For a lot of women there's something oh-so-unsatisfying about most magazine articles about sex. How shall we put it? Well, if you ask journalist Rachel Hills, author of The Sex Myth: The Gap Between Our Fantasies and Reality, after a while all these articles make sex sound like a chore.

Hills' book is about how sex has come to mean way too much for us. We expect to much from ourselves, sexually, and we expect sex to validate too much about our lives. "If you're married sex is important because it's the measure of your relationship," Hills told The Stir. "You have to keep it fresh and interesting."

There's nothing wrong with persuing variety between the sheets, mind you. But we do often get the message that a healthy marriage includes having sex regularly. Not only that, having AMAZING, trapeez artist sex regularly. And, well, that can be a tall order, especially if you've got jobs, kids, and a lot of other things going on in your life.

More from The Stir: A Magic Pill Can't Boost Your Sex Life But These 4 Things Can

"You have to be sexy, skilled in bed, constantly be working on improving," Hills says. "We as women are constantly told that we need to be having sex and that having regular sex is part of maintaining your relationship with a man."

Well, what's wrong with that? Doesn't that sound like more fun for everyone? Not necessarily.

"It becomes a libido killer because it turns sex into a job instead of something that's fun for you," Hills explains. "It becomes another item on your to-do list."

Oof, as someone who regularly writes about how to have better/more sex: SQUIRM! I hate to think that my attempts are actually making intimacy feel more like a burden or a hurdle than something pleasurable for two people to enjoy together.

More from The Stir: 5 Ways to Turn Off 'Mom Brain' & Enjoy Your Sex Life Again

Okay, so what kinds of sex advice would be more helpful, then? We asked Hills what messages she'd like to see more often.

1. Think of sex as something you can do, not something you have to do. "Make adventurous sex a possibility rather than a set of demands," Hills says. Instead of feeling like you're failing your sex life if you're not trying all these positions, consider them options you can take or leave.

2. Focus more on sensuality than on sexuality. Embrace a whole range of pleasurable activities that bring you two together -- as equally (if not more) important as intercourse. "How can we experience pleasure with our partners, and intimacy as well?" Hills posits.  Your bodies are capable of feeling pleasure all over, so broaden your idea of what intimacy can look like.

3. Take the pressure off performance -- for both of you. Let go of those expecations to master 500 different positions several times a week -- or for him to go from zero to 60 and stay that way through endless jackhammer sessions. Relax and just do what feels good, whatever that is, even if it's rubbing each other's feet.

4. Don't tell yourself you're "doing it wrong." We're made to feel like "vanilla" sex is boring sex. And there's nothing worse than that, right? Of course not -- if it works for you, it's not boring, and it's not "wrong." It's just what you like. Don't let anyone tell you what "good" or "bad" sex is. Only you and your partner get to decide that.

5. Sex should be a joy, not an obligation. Sure, you may have to schedule it in sometimes if you want it. But if it feels like a chore you may want to reconsider your expectations. What else is something only you two can do together that makes you feel closer? What else feels good, physically? 

This actually sounds a lot like what some of the newer sex experts like Emily Nagoski have been saying. I sense the tide turning! We live in an age of options -- but that doesn't mean we have to choose them all. And we shouldn't feel like having a happy, sexually-satisfying relationship looks the same way for everyone. We get to choose what works for us. Everything else just plain doesn't matter.

Image via Warren Goldswain/Shutterstock 

Ladies, your all-consuming crush on Channing Tatum, Christian Grey, or even That Guy You Saw on the Elevator This Morning poses absolutely no threat to your marriage whatsoever. In fact, your passionate secret crush could actually be good for your relationship.

A group of scientists studied women's crushes for people outside their primary relationships and published the results in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. They had 160 women answer open-ended questions about crushes in an anonymous Internet-based survey. Here's what they learned.

It's funny that women don't talk about their crushes. I can understand if it's the guy next door. But what about celeb crushes? My boyfriend and I joke about ours all the time. I know a lot of couples have "celeb cheating exceptions" -- people they're allowed to cheat with should the opportunity ever present itself ... a safe bet since it's usually an extremely remote possibility.

I can see how talking about your crushes could crank up the sexual energy in a couple so long as you're both very secure in that relationship, though. Otherwise, I guess we're quietly suggesting yet another pre-bedtime screening of Casino Royale. For no particular reason.

Image via LDprod/Shutterstock

There's a quieter form of domestic abuse, and it's called financial abuse. It's when a spouse tries to control you through financial means -- by limiting your spending, cutting off your access to funds, maybe even ruining your credit. Stay-at-home moms are especially at risk. 

"You run a big risk once you go into that stay-at-home mom role," says certified financial planner Vickie Adams. She has a client with two small children under 3 whose husband cheated on her and is leaving her. She's getting very little spousal support, and because she's been out of the workforce for five years, it's going to be hard to find a job to support herself.

"Financial abuse is one of the biggest factors in domestic abuse cases," Adams says. "It's how some men really keep control of their wives."

More from The Stir: 7 Things You Should Do NOW If You Think Divorce Is Even a Remote Possibility

The best way to avoid this situation: awareness. Financial abuse tends to happen slowly, often when moms are busy with small children -- and who can blame them? That's consuming work. And some husbands reinforce the idea that finances are too difficult for overwhelmed moms ... but never let anyone use that stereotype against you.

Here are eight things you should be doing now, which could head off financial abuse and save you more grief later on.

Are you feeling overwhelmed? Don't be. "Whether you think you can understand or not, you really have to push yourself to be involved," Adams says.

In fact, she says, women are actually wired to handle financial matters -- more so than men are. "We're more capable of handling financial transactions," she says. "And you don't have to be good at math." The same wiring that makes women excel at multitasking enables us to understand complicated concepts and sets of facts.

"Give yourself more credit because you're more capable than you think you are!" Adams says. Maybe make friends with another mom who is on top of her finances (because many are!), and find out how she does it.

And don't be afraid to make waves by questioning things. After all, your husband could be creating a financial tsunami for you and your kids. Feel like you have too much to lose? If you remain passive too long, you may end up losing everything anyway. 

Image via ChameleonsEye/shutterstock

Fake black person Rachel Dolezal has barely left the public stage and she's resurrected in a new form. Witness Allure magazine's tutorial on Afro hair -- for white girls. Why, Allure? Why?

Even before BuzzFeed reported on it, the Afro tutorial was causing an uproar among readers and owners of actual natural Afros.

Of course! Do we even need to explain what cultural appropriation is, and why this is offensive? In a nutshell, it's gross to help yourself to a hairstyle that is natural to a group of people who experienced centuries of slavery followed by blatant discrimination. It's definitely not okay especially because black women have been pressured by our culture to straighten their hair just so they can do things like get a freakin' job or appear on television.

So, no, you don't get to help yourself to the Afro like you're at the hair buffet table. You haven't lived the life.

Also, the hairstyle isn't even an Afro. It's a twist out.

More from The Stir: How to Care for a Black Child's Hair in Three Easy Steps

But who needs my explanation? Black Twitter, you tell them.

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Someone should have warned you, @Allure_magazine Black Twitter comin'. Stop the foolishness. http://t.co/t5mQ5HVR9Fpic.twitter.com/OUWXI4zbkf

— Brittany Packnett (@MsPackyetti) August 2, 2015

Allure defended itself in a statement to BuzzFeed:

The Afro has a rich cultural and aesthetic history. In this story, we show women using different hairstyles as an individual expressions [sic] of style. Using beauty and hair as a form of self-expression is a mirror of what’s happening in our country today. The creativity is limitless — and pretty wonderful.

Wonderful? Nice try. Here's why that statement is as ignorant and tone-deaf as it gets.

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Everybody want their hair styled...but don't nobody wanna be profiled @Allure_magazinepic.twitter.com/4P22d4UIn6

— Erika Totten (@2LiveUnchained) August 2, 2015

Right, enjoy the hair ... without some clerk following you around suspiciously at Nordstrom!

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Dear @Allure_magazine, This is an afro. Don't cash crop my afro like you did my cornrows pic.twitter.com/KvVGTjdLsz

— Amani Furaha (@MeeRaeDoe) August 3, 2015

"Cash crop" as in something you grow that gets sold to someone else -- you don't get to use it. (You know how metaphors work, right?)

I mean, maybe we should all just trade hair, right?

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I find it amusing that allure made that "how to get an Afro" post. I always get "you should straighten your hair" at work.

— Peachy vanzant (@Cajun_peach) August 4, 2015

Maybe not.

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That Allure/Afro foolishness is a great example of how you can work in beauty & know literally nothing about black hair. Literally nothing.

— Cora Harrington (@lingerie_addict) August 4, 2015

Yeah, seriously -- this article would have passed through a dozen hands. No one thought to speak up and say, "Ummm, this is a really bad idea ..."???

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When Allure does an article telling white women how to get an afro after being dismissive of black hair for decades. pic.twitter.com/ErSKJu8ber

— SNIPES! (@ChocnessMonsta) August 3, 2015

Another good point. Maybe if Allure had done an article here and there about caring for natural black hair they might have a modicum of credibility. But no.

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What a missed opportunity by @Allure_magazine to actually talk about afro hair...to girls who actually have it. pic.twitter.com/qO6kOLoUDW

— Eileen ¯\_(ã��)_/¯ (@MissWhoeverUR) August 3, 2015

Right?

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This is an Afro. Not....this. @Allure_magazinepic.twitter.com/hkdsMdNG1t

— Brandy with a Y (@BtSquared2) August 2, 2015

Just in case anyone was confused. I mean, should you even write an article about Afros if you don't know what one is?

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Black women facing real life discrimination, having to fight to wear our natural hair at work/school but white women in Allure want afros.

— Cirque du SoBae (@brownandbella) August 2, 2015

I know. It's an upside-down world, isn't it? And there you go. I think we all learned something here. That is not an Afro, and no, you can't just DIY one like that.

Image via Erika Totten/Twitter

Rupert Sanders isn't the only director to be smitten with KStew. Her Twilight: Breaking Dawn I and II director Bill Condon says he loved working with Kristen Stewart. His praise starts off glowing but then it sure takes a strange, cringey turn.

Vanity Fair asked Condon if he felt vindicated when Stewart became the first American actress to win France's Cesar for her role in Clouds of Sils Maria. 

I’d been a fan of Kristen’s before Breaking Dawn, and I loved working with her. She’s incredibly smart and committed, she played such a range of emotions across a single film, from wedding jitters to death throes to vampire orgasm — I mean, if you can pull that off, you can do anything.

Condon had us at "incredibly smart and committed" -- and he lost us at "vampire orgasm." Shudder.

That aside, what glowing praise from a former director. I think he saw a lot more potential in Stewart's range than maybe a lot of moviegoers did when the Twilight movies came out. And it sounds like he deeply appreciated her hard work and dedication. It's quite decent of him to be so effusive of Stewart's acting. (I was genuinely impressed with her performance in Still Alice.)

More from The Stir: Kristen Stewart Is 'Desperate for a Job'

But can we get back to the vampire orgasm? What the hell is that, and how is it different from a human orgasm? And why bring it up at all?

It's been a while since I saw the movie (for my job, you guys) but I couldn't recall anything extraordinarily vampire-like about Bella and Edward's lovemaking scene. So I tracked it down on YouTube and now that I've seen it again, wow ... is it corny to describe it as anticlimactic? I think the glitter bomb that exploded as Bella came was more expressive. 

There are women all over the world faking better orgasms every single day.

Turns out it's lame because it was edited down to practically nothing. Stewart later told Graham Norton, "It is a bit full-on, but it's edited. I see scenes and I think why is music playing over that. I was definitely making sounds and it could be so sexy and it's not." She added that according to the ratings board "thrusting is a huge problem of the children," so ... that's why her vampire orgasm is so blah. Oh well, guess we'll never see that vampire orgasm the way Condon did!

Image via KCS Presse / Splash News

It's President Barack Obama's 54th birthday today! It looks like he's got a busy day filled with official duties. But we hope he has time to reflect on the coming year. In fact, we came up with a handy to-do (and not-to-do) list for Obama that we hope he'll consider.

The thing is, Obama is getting older. And we just want to help him stay a little cooler as he ages ... for the sake of his daughters. Here's what we suggest.

Obama's To-Do List for 2015/16

1. Sing more. Sure, it embarrasses his daughters, but when was the last time we had a president who wan't too stuffy to break into song? Never, that's when. More of this, please!

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We also loved Obama's more sober rendition of "Amazing Grace."

2. Wear sunglasses more often. Aviators. This is a look that's working for you. Stop with the finger gun, though. 

3. Keep making that magical change happen. Same-sex marriage legalized, Obamacare upheld, trade deals ... Sure seems like you saved all your best tricks for the end of your term! Keep it up, Mr. President. You're not done yet.

4. Hug more koalas. Because they'll give you more love than your colleagues in Congress. 

More from The Stir: Obama Uses Selfie Stick in Hilarious New Video Because YOLO!

Obama's NOT-To-Do List for 2015/16

1. Avoid passing your crazy onto your kids.Obama told Marc Maron in his interview this June, "I've said this to Michelle. One of our biggest jobs as parents, because we're all a little bit crazy, is let's see if we can not pass on some of our craziness to our kids." Oof, good luck with that, Mr. President!

2. Don't let your girls grow up too fast. Another thing Obama mentioned to Maron is how Malia is starting to resent the limits Secret Service put on her. “I had to explain to her, ‘sweetie let me tell you something. If you think you’d be over at your friend's house until 11:30 PM and then I’d be coming to pick you up, you’re crazy. So, the only reason you’re out, is because you got a detail, otherwise you’d be home.” Oh, but now she's spending the summer in New York City, interning for the HBO's Girls -- yikes, she's only 17!

3. Never wear this khaki summer suit again. We mean it. 

4. Reel in the turkey jokes. Dad!!! (EYEROLL)

5. Don't lose your sense of humor. You're going to need it -- through the end of your presidency and beyond! Keep your sense of humor.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Images via WhiteHouse.gov; photo of Sasha and Malia Turkey Pardon via Mark Wilson / Staff / Getty Images

Wow, former Real Housewives of Atlanta star NeNe Leakes sure makes this yellow bikini look hot in a photo she just posted. "Just living the beach life," the 47-year-old casually captioned the sizzling photo.

Well, we'd say the beach life is kind of NeNe! She looks sensational for any age, and she's clearly working what she's got -- and I don't just mean her confidence and her fit physique. She's got some clever photography skills, too.

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living the beach life... http://t.co/ALy7XQE3ZM� #brownsugga#ageless#shesgotit#blackdontcrackpic.twitter.com/T6fJ9sWb1T

— NeNe Leakes (@NeNeLeakes) August 3, 2015

This is actually a very clever pose. Leakes cut part of her body out of the frame. True, you could say that's cheating a bit since it has a slimming effect. But I don't think Leakes is the type to care about looking skinny -- I think what she's really doing is highlighting her favorite features (hint: they're resting inside that bikini top). Nothing wrong with accentuating your positive!

More from The Stir: 21 Sexy & Strong Celebrity Bikini Bodies

I like that she looks like she's in motion, and I like the side pose. It's a bit different from a lot of the celeb bikini selfies we see. Yellow looks brilliant against her skin tone. And then, she turned it into a double image.

Double the NeNe! Can we even handle it? 

NeNe doesn't seem to be aging a bit, but she is getting smarter as she gets older, if this bikini 'gram is any indication. If I were her I'd stay on that beach in that yellow bikini for the remainder of August.

Image via neneleakes/Instagram

Doesn't this sound like every woman's nightmare? One very charming gem of a groom is suing his bride after seeing her face without makeup for the first time.

According to a story in Emirates 247 the groom had only ever seen his wife in full makeup. This is in Algeria, where dating customs for some people are very strict. For all we know, this could have been an arraged marriage. At any rate, she wasn't pulling that trick of sleeping with your boyfriend at night and then jumping out of bed to refresh your makeup before he wakes up. (See: Bridesmaids move, Kristin Wiig's character.)

Anyway, according to a source speaking with Emirates, the groom told the judge that "he was deceived by her as she used to fill up her face with makeup before their marriage." What does that even mean, he was "deceived" by her? Did he think that was her natural look? Does he not even understand the whole point of makeup?

"He said she looked very beautiful and attractive before their marriage," the source continues, "but when he woke up in the morning and found that she had washed the makeup off her face, he was frightened as he thought she was a thief." Oh right! An unarmed woman robbing him with her dark under-eye circles and blemishes. She's that scary.

What a jerk. So many women are insecure about their beauty without makeup. For someone to actually deem a woman unacceptable while bare-faced, that's pretty low. And what makes him such a prize, anyway? Maybe he could use a bit of primer and foundation himself!

But the real kicker is that the groom is suing his bride for about $20,000 for "psychological suffering."

Honestly. WHO is experiencing the real psychological suffering? I'd say the bride is. I mean, what a friggin' idiot -- first of all, for not understanding how makeup works. But also for only caring about what he thinks he's entitled to and not about his wife's feelings.

I'm sure she's embarrassed and hurt -- and I hope their marriage is annulled because staying married to this guy is a fate no woman should face. But if she comes from a conservative background she'll be stigmatized, which is truly unfair. At the least I hope the judge throws out the lawsuit because that is some ridiculous malarkey.

Image via antoniodiaz/shutterstock

Runner Anna Aldridge is so sick and tired of getting catcalled she's started a petition to make street harassment illegal. Making those kissy noises at women could someday get you a hefty fine. But would making it illegal really stop the problem?

Aldrige had a TV camera crew follow her run through the streets to capture the unwanted attention. This time it was limited to a few honks -- but Aldridge says it can be much worse at times. Perhaps the usual suspects saw the cameras and decided to contain their worst impulses for once.

Intuitively making street harassment a crime sure feels like a great idea. Wouldn't we love to see guys get a ticket on the spot for being so gross! And if sexual harassment in the workplace is against the law, shouldn't street harassment be illegal, too?

But when I really think about it I'm not so sure.

Aldrige's petition suggests making it a violation, like running a red light (as opposed to something you could get sued for like workplace sexual harassment, or serve jail time like rape). That seems appropriate for the severity of the offense, but I don't think tickets and fines will be a strong enough deterrent. And how would you prove it? Women have started carrying body cameras, so that's one way to produce evidence, but that places the burden on us. Who gets to decide what's actual sexual street harassment and what's merely an annoyance? How much money would we be willing to spend on monitoring and enforcing it?

Here's what I see happening: Women will end up doing extra work making sure cases are adequately enforced and prosecuted. And guys who catcall will treat the law the way drivers treat that "no honking" sign on my block.

More from The Stir: Undercover Moms Trick Sons Into Catcalling Them & Then Let Them Have It

Rachel Dougherty, program assistant for the advocacy organization Hollaback!, explained to the Christian Science Monitor in an email why her organization doesn't agree that criminalizing street harassment is a good solution.

Hollaback! does not advocate for increasing the criminalization of street harassment, knowing that the criminal justice system disproportionately targets low income communities and communities of color ... Our aim is to work with legislators on community based efforts and solutions.

Instead they focus on things like education programs in middle and high schools, doing training and workshops on bystander intervention. 

But what could really turn the tide is getting men on board. We know that just like rape, street harassment is committed by a small minority of men. We also know that the kinds of men who catcall women are less likely to give a crap what we tell them to do -- but more likely to respond to pressure from other men. They're just sexist that way, you know?

Holly Kearl, founder of Stop Street Harassment, supports the idea of criminalizing. But she also says getting men on board is key. She told the Christian Science Monitor, "We need programs educating young men on issues of respect and consent, we need social shaming of harassers, and we need men to model respectful behavior to their friends and family members."

I think that's why I loved this video of men reacting to seeing their girlfriends get harassed on the street. What an eye-opener! Give men a real stake in the game and they might care more about getting involved when they see someone making kissy sounds at someone else's girlfriend, mother, or sister.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

But in case you like Aldridge's idea, here's her petition to outlaw street harassment in Austin. Who knows, it could catch on there and spread to other cities. At the least, the petition is another way to raise awareness of the problem and keep the conversation going about how to fight it.

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Image via USA Today

Father-of-two Alex Diaz discovered a newborn with his umbilical cord still attached abandoned inside a stroller across the street from a church. And he almost missed it! In fact, it wasn't until Diaz spotted the stroller a second time that he took a closer look.

Diaz tells KABC that when he first spotted the stroller across the street from a church in Los Angeles at about 10:30 at night he assumed it was empty and passed it by. But the next day, shortly after noon, he passed it again with his two sons and decided to take a closer look.

When I got up close to the stroller and the blanket was clean, it was just like, 'Oh, I hope nobody did this, I hope I'm not about to find a baby in here,' and sure enough that's what happened. It was burning hot. He was sweating. His pajamas were soaked in sweat. It was horrible. I don't know how somebody can do something like that, not even animals do that.

That means the baby was left in that stroller overnight -- utterly defenseless! We can't blame Diaz. That's not something anyone expects to see, and abandoned strollers are a common sight in cities. It's a lucky thing Diaz thought to stop and peek under that blanket because otherwise this would have been a much sadder story.

Fortunately the baby is still alive. Diaz called the police and the newborn was sent to a hospital in -- can you believe it? -- good condition. 

More from The Stir: Baby Saved From Bathroom Trash Can Across the Street From Safe Haven

The mother could have increased the chances of her baby's survival if she'd just walked across the street to that church. Authorities estimate he was barely a day old. "That's what saddens me about the whole situation, that the child was left across the street under a mattress in a stroller, and they could've easily just rung the doorbell and left the child there," Father David Matz of Saint Agnes Catholic Church told KABC.

Like almost every state around the nation, California has a "Safe Surrender" law making it legal for a parent to give up their newborn under 3 days old at a hospital or firehouse. You can look up your state and find out more about its safe haven laws online. There are some small variations from state to state. But the bottom line is that almost everywhere in this country we would rather you give up your newborn in a safe location, no questions asked.

I wish this mother, and other people, knew that. It looks as if she tried to leave the baby at the church but didn't have the nerve to be seen leaving him right there. Maybe, if she'd known about the law, she might have been bolder about doing the right thing.

Image via Stephen Metz/shutterstock

All you young men out there, take a lesson. Do not mess with mama while she's menstruating. You hear? A grocery clerk learned that lesson the hard way when he dared make a crack while ringing up a woman's pads and tampons. She sure got him.

Lauren Jovanovic was at the Australian grocery store Coles buying some personal feminine products when the cashier made a crude joke about absorbency. Eww! Jovanovic was not amused by the young man, but that doesn't mean she lacks a sense of humor. She posted a message to Coles on Facebook that will go down in history as one of the all-time great menstruation rants.

You really have to read this entire thing.

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To our knowledge Coles has yet to respond to this comment. No word from the checkout guy, either. But he must be feeling it where she threatened to shove that COLES paper towel roll!

More from The Stir: 20 Creative Ways Women Say 'I'm on My Period'

Now, what have we learned here?

We love Jovanovic's sassy way and we agree, she is quite capable of handling her own time of the month. Maybe more of us should handle it the exact same way.

Image via PathDoc/shutterstock

Whenever I watch interviews with famously awkward Kristen Stewart or chronically anxious Jesse Eisenberg my shoulders ache from all the cringing. So what happens when Stewart and Eisenberg interview each other -- with "accidentally" swapped questions? 

So much discomfort.

The stars of American Ultra grilled each other in a mock interview for Funny or Die that should change celeb interviews forever after. (But it probably won't!) When Stewart asked her male costar the kinds of overly intimate and inane questions she usually gets asked, Eisenberg starts to lose it. 

"Do you have any favorite designers?"

"Are you seeing anyone at the moment?"

"Are you pregnant now?"

"Do you get any work done?" (She gestures to her face.) "Like, do you use a peel to look vibrant and young?"

"What about your boobs? Do they ever accidentally slip out and is that really funny and awkward or do you kind of do that on purpose to get attention?"

Inside Eisenberg's head there is only a high-pitched scream. I think he may be in physical pain here, actually. 

More from The Stir: 'Spy' Movie Kicks Sexist 'Entourage' Movie to the Curb

He's even subjected to the new red-carpet staple (which many actresses are now boycotting): the "Manicam."

Nailed it!

"Is this not how they usually go for you?" Stewart asks disingenuously. Apparently she's the one who swapped their question cards. Poor Jesse! He's so confused.

Meanwhile, Eisenberg asks Stewart a series of questions so easy they border on stupid, like, "what's your favorite sports team?" When he asks, "Did you ever get aroused during your sex scene with Jesse?" Stewart's deadpan response is delicious.

You get the point, of course. Stewart and Eisenberg are lampooning the sexism of celeb interview questions -- and cracking us up at the same time. Well played, you two!

Some of the questions are so absurd I have to think they must be actual questions Stewart has fielded in real life. 

This isn't just about the indignity suffered by actresses, though. The kinds of questions women get asked by the media reflects -- and shapes -- the way we see all women. Dingbat journalists who do this are officially on notice.

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Images via Funny or Die

Tabloids claim Ben Affleck did it. Gavin Rossdale may have done it, too. The treasured tradition of bonking the nanny lives on in the lives of celebrities and us regular folk, too. But worry not! The New York Post is here with tips on how to keep your man from having sex with the nanny.

The helpful article includes suggestions like the following:

Honestly, I can't decide who the Post's article insults most: wives, husbands, or women who work in childcare. 

More from The Stir: New Details of Ben Affleck’s Alleged Affair With the Nanny Are What Cheating Clichés Are Made Of

I mean, fine, I'll grant that it could make many moms feel a little insecure to have a particularly attractive and unattached female working in your intimate space. I can see how that kind of sets her up as a foil for the real wife, you. Her body hasn't been stretched out from babies, her relationship with your husband is unmarred by any long-standing grudges or tensions.

But if you don't trust your husband with an attractive babysitter, that says a lot more about your relationship with each other than it does about her. What about all the years you've put in together? Have you built nothing in all this time? And is his middle-aged libido even up for such extracurricular activities?

What makes you think your husband is such a catch for an ambitious, 36-23-36 mechanical engineering major anyway? 

Not to mention, the hot sitter is just the "devil you know." What about the smokin' new intern at your husband's office? Or the dishy new account manager? It sure would be a lot more convenient for him to nail one of them, especially since they're not right under your nose.

Look, you can't control all of the temptations coming into your lives. You just can't. At some point you have to trust each other. Or not! Maybe your marriage is hanging by a thread and you've reached a point of desperation where you'd rather not invite more husband bait into the house. In that case I have one more suggestion.

Hire a really hot male babysitter.

image via Pressmaster/shutterstock

A man has been charged with stabbing his ex-girlfriend to death because she refused to name their newborn baby after him. Cesar Mazza is also accused of beating the woman's 72-year-old grandmother to death and kidnapping his son.

Mother Tionna Banks had been living in a group home for at-risk girls and women, and her 11-week-old baby was in foster care. She had been given a weekend pass to visit her grandmother, Valorie Crumpton. Police found the women's dead bodies at Crumpton's home after Banks failed to return to the group home.

Mazza had a history of violence against his former girlfriend. She had a protection order against him, and he had been charged with punching her in the face, stomping on her belly, and dragging her down some stairs in November. Allegedly he had threatened to kill her.

Police records say a "dispute" between Banks and Mazza arose over her refusal to name the baby after him. Given their history you can see why she would decline.

Refusing to name their baby after his father would probably trigger all sorts of insecurities for a violent, cowardly, unstable man. He might wonder if the baby was even really his.

But then, it sounds like he was likely to kill her over just about anything. His mother and an unnamed witness were concerned over his situation at the time of the murder. But was anyone with actual power to protect Banks as concerned?

More from The Stir: Emotional Rescue of Toddler Left in Sweltering Car Captured on Video

Do you ever get tired of hearing about women being killed at the hands of their boyfriends or husbands -- even after death threats, protection orders, and pleas for help? 

The baby, named Vaughn, was in foster care. Now it looks like he'll stay in the foster care system. He'll never know his mother. And who knows if he'll ever meet his father. What is it like to grow up knowing your father is a murderer? Maybe he'll never find out. What a sad burden for a child to bear.

Image via Pittsburgh Bureau of Police

In her new movie Ricki and the Flash, Streep plays the lead singer in a house band somewhere in the San Fernando Valley -- who just happens to be the mother of three children she did not raise herself. They slipped from her grasp while she was busy trying to have it all.

Or that's one way to see it. Years earlier Ricki left a husband and three young children in the Midwest to pursue her dream of being a rock star in Los Angeles. One album, a few tours, and many rough years later she is barely keeping her music career alive, estranged from her ex-husband Pete (Kevin Klein) and their offspring.

Then she gets a call from Pete telling her their daughter, Julie (played by Streep's real-life daughter, Mamie Gummer), has been jilted by her fiancé and is free-falling into breakdown. Ricki drops everything to fly back and attempt to rescue her daughter.

From there we see a series of steps and half steps, stumbles, embraces, attacks, and retreats between Ricki and her grown children in this family drama. Can she really come back, after all these years, and expect to find a place with these people?

Maureen (Audra McDonald), the woman who married Pete and raised the three children as her own, definitely has a problem with that.

The two mothers confront each other and force us to confront a lot of questions about what makes a woman a mother and about how much we still expect mothers to give up for their children. How do you balance chasing your dreams with motherhood? How much of your identity should you give over to that new role -- half? Three quarters? All?

What if you choose to be a woman first, far above being a mother? Does that make you a terrible human being?

More from The Stir: Meryl Streep on Becoming the Ultimate Helicopter Mom in 'Into the Woods'

About halfway through the film Ricki delivers a bitter rant about rock stars and parenthood. Mick Jagger got to father several children by different mothers, tour all over the world, and no one ever called him a bad dad, she says. But if a mother does that? She's hated. Ricki resents this double standard -- as do countless other women who are passionate about their avocations.

It's easy to judge Ricki, the woman who chose rock and roll over her own flesh and blood. But then, what about her husband? Why didn't the family move together to Los Angeles all those years ago? Why was the choice between music and family forced on Ricki in the first place?

It's complicated, of course.

But Ricki and the Flash isn't all heavy -- it's also gaspingly funny and enchanting, just as the experience of being a parent can be, however you decide to play it.  

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Image via Sony Pictures Digital Productions

This 12-year-old girl scored higher than Einstein on an IQ test -- and she's a Gypsy. Nicole Barr scored a perfect 162, placing her in the top one percent in intelligence. And she proves that brilliance can thrive anywhere, even in a poor community.

The Romani are an itinerant ethnic group living throughout Europe and recently the U.S. "Gypsy" is considered a slur to some, and they have long been associated with crime and poverty. Like many other Romani, Barr lives in a caravan, or trailer.

With this score Barr easily qualified for membership in Mensa, the high IQ society.

And Barr defies the stereotype for Romani. Her father, James, couldn't be prouder about that. "It's nice for us to be in the news for something good for a change," he told Yahoo Parenting. "This shows that it doesn't matter where you come from, anyone can be academically brilliant."

It helps when your family supports your education and when you have access to schools. James Barr was the one who urged his daughter to take the test (he took the test at the same time). And she excels at her local school.

More from The Stir: 30 Names That Will Make Your Baby Sound Like a Genius

Helena Mills, head of Burnt Mill Academy, says "she works incredibly hard and has thrown herself into many different activities in her first year with us." Clearly Barr doesn't take her brilliance for granted.

I think that's what makes Barr such an inspiring teen. Not only is she a genius, she's also a hard worker from a humble background. She plans to become a doctor someday. No doubt many, many people will benefit from this young lady's intelligence and efforts.

Image via schatzy/shutterstock

Mom of two Hilaria Baldwin shared a photo of her new baby breastfeeding, but this time it's from her own mama's view. It couldn't be sweeter. This perspective may look wonderfully familiar to a lot of us.

Baldwin posted the photo to Instagram to mark national breastfeeding week, but she was careful to include all moms in her caption. "In the end, regardless of our methods, #AllMommiesUnite and whatever way we love and nurture our children is beautiful, perfect, and inspiring."

I couldn't agree more, whether you breastfeed or formula feed. What could be more beautiful than the sight of your baby feeding, cuddled up next to you? It's such a warm, cozy feeling for you and for your baby.

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Rafa's favorite spot ð���. There is no one right way to feed our babies, but this week marks #nationalbreastfeedingweek and I would like to extend my support to mothers who have taken this path ð���. In the end, regardless of our methods, #AllMommiesUnite and whatever way we love and nurture our children is beautiful, perfect and inspiring â�¤ï¸ï¿½

A photo posted by Hilaria Thomas Baldwin (@hilariabaldwin) on Aug 6, 2015 at 3:15pm PDT

More from The Stir: Hilaria Baldwin Censors Her Own Co-sleeping Photo

For those moms who do choose breastfeeding -- who are able to -- it can be a struggle, and the support of other breastfeeding mothers is incredibly valuable. This photo could help some moms keep going even through the soreness and fatigue.

But above all that it's just a reminder of how precious our babies are to us and how gratifying it is to feed our children. We treasure these quiet moments. They get rarer and rarer the older our kids get, so you have to appreciate them!

Image via Taborsky/shutterstock

The first GOP presidential candidate debate was loaded with ridiculous, cringeworthy moments, but probably the most painful was when Donald Trump insulted Rosie O'Donnell. Her response via Twitter, on the other hand, was absolute perfection.

FOX News correspondent Megyn Kelly was grilling Donald Trump on the many times he's insulted women. "You've called women 'fat pigs,' 'dogs,' 'slobs,' 'disgusting animals.' Your Twitter account has several -- "

Trump interrupted Kelly right there to say, "Only Rosie O'Donnell!"

I think he was trying to be funny, like somehow calling O'Donnell a fat pig is justifiable, or like it's okay if you say that about only one woman. Who knows? His punchline kind of gave us all a sour stomach. To grab the comic's name out of thin air -- she's not even a politician so why even mention her? -- seemed particularly cruel.

To her credit, Rosie O'Donnell handled the jab with one classy but devastating tweet.

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try explaining that 2 ur kids

— Rosie (@Rosie) August 7, 2015

What more would you need to say? That cuts to the heart. When you insult a parent, you don't just hurt them. You also hurt their children. Can you imagine how O'Donnell's five children feel when they hear their mother called a "fat pig" by a public figure on the Internet and on television?

More from The Stir: Rosie O'Donnell Fights for the Right to Post Instagram Photos of Her Own Kid

And for that matter, how ashamed do Trump's own children feel when they hear their father name-calling like an unimaginative playground bully?

It was an especially unpresidential thing to say and I'm glad O'Donnell called Trump on it, in the way that she did. And I thought Kelly was wise to challenge the candidate on his treatment of women. His rant against "political correctness" was a pathetic defense. Rude is rude. And then to follow it with this self-pitying whine?

"I've been very nice to you although I could probably not be based on the way you've treated me but I wouldn't do that."

Lord Jesus help us all. How Megyn Kelly was able to stay in her seat and not throw down her mike and walk off I will never know. Aren't we done with this guy yet? If you ask me, the winners of last night's debate were Kelly and Rosie O'Donnell.

Image via Rosie O'Donnell/Twitter

A family trip to Yosemite National Park turned into a nightmare when a girl became sick with the plague, experts suspect. The plague! This comes after two people in Colorado, including a 16-year-old boy, have died from the disease. Should parents worry?

Health officials say no (um, okay ...), the ancient disease is extremely rare and can be treated with antibiotics. But wouldn't we all love to avoid exposing our kids to the plague regardless? How on earth do you pick it up in the wild?

Well, one way is by feeding the chipmunks. Humans can contract the plague from rodents -- that seems to be the most common means of transmission. So experts are warning everyone not to feed or come near any of the cute, furry creatures you meet in the forest. And don't let your curious little scientists-in-training get close to dead animals. And don't even let your pets come near rodents and other small, wild creatures.

More from The Stir: Deadly Hantavirus Could Be the Next Scary Plague -- Here's What You Need to Know

Here's a few other things you should know about the plague.

"Never feed squirrels, chipmunks, or other rodents in picnic or campground areas, and never touch sick or dead rodents. Protect your pets from fleas and keep them away from wild animals," California state health officer Dr. Karen Smith said in a statement about the state's investigation of the human plague case.

Fortunately the young girl who caught the plague is recovering. We hope she and her whole family will soon be in full health. How terrifying, though. 

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Image via npine/shutterstock 

Resting Bitch Face (RBF) is a condition that afflicts many celebrities. On the outside, they look like they're totally bitchy. But on the inside? No bitchiness. No, none at all. 

Come, join us for a look inside the heads of celebrities with RBF. What they're really thinking may surprise you.

Image via SartorialPhoto/Splash News