For the record, I'm all for co-ed birthday parties. In theory. But when it comes to real life, I have to admit: I think going with all boys or all girls may just be easier.

My 10-year-old son is friends with girls and boys, so it only makes sense that he would invite both to his birthday parties. And that's always sounded great to me. I was always proud that he included girls in his invitations. But over the years, I've noticed some things.

First, the boys always outnumber the girls -- by a lot! Usually we'll have one or two girls to eight or nine boys. It wouldn't be a big deal if everyone socialized with each other. But year after year, I watch the two girls pull away from the guys to do their own thing.

And because boys outnumber the girls, that tends to determine the activities for the birthday party. When you have little kids, you can organize structured games that involve everyone. But as kids get older, they want less-structured parties. Send AWAY the clowns! And that makes it harder to force everyone together into group activities.

That brings me to the second observation: The girls always get bored. Now, no child has ever died of boredom. I'll usually pull out a deck of Uno cards or something else fun for the girls when I see that glazed look fall over their eyes. But this happens because the boys are playing a video game or doing something else that the girls find totally snoozeworthy.

So that's the situation. There are a few things the PERFECT MOM would do about this. First, she'd probably invite her son's entire class to the birthday party. Which is a great idea if you have a large home, a summer birthday (so you can celebrate in the park), or loads of moolah to spend on a venue. I have a teeny apartment, my son's birthday is in the dead of winter, and I have zero moolah for an exciting off-site party.

The other PERFECT MOM solution is to force my son to be a good host and be more inclusive of the girls he insists on inviting every year. This is a super-duper idea and I really should give it a try. Except geez, it's his birthday. Can't I just let him enjoy it and have fun without pestering him about responsibilities and Learning An Important Lesson?!?

I'm already going to make him hand-write thank-you notes for every single birthday present he receives. There is only so much arm-twisting a parent can do, especially at birthday time.

But I can at least make my son more aware of the bored-girl-party-problem. For this next birthday, I'll give him a choice: Go ahead and invite girls, but make a concerted effort to include them, which means having some activities that they'll genuinely find interesting. OR! Just don't invite any girls.

Do you have single-gender birthday parties or do you try to mix it up?

Image via edenpictures/Flickr

If it's true that you are what you eat, what does that say about your grocery cart? Do its contents say anything about who you are? We think it might! We took a look at a few different grocery carts and guessed what kind of people they might belong to. Who knows, one of these baskets might actually resemble yours!

Image ©iStock.com/Danilin

This is just the worst. With her husband Ben Affleck running around boasting of his full-frontal shot in Gone Girl, Jennifer Garner pulled a full-frontal, too, accidentally. Garner flashed her nude-colored Spanxat the premiere of her film, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. And it wasn't just a teeny glimpse. We saw nude spandex all the way up to her navel. Zoiks!

I hate to say it, but it was SUCH a mom move. 'Twas the fault of her split skirt. Somehow she managed to yank up a corner with her clutch while sharing a laugh with costar Steve Carell.

Talk about a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad wardrobe malfunction! Hey, wait a minute ...

Isn't this wardrobe malfunction just a little too cleverly synchronized with the title of this movie? And isn't it odd that Garner is wearing Spanx at all?!? WHAT, pray tell, is there to hold in? She's too slim for shapewear. And she's wearing a skirt that's pretty figure-forgiving to begin with.

Hmm ... me thinks we're being played by Ms. Garner.

But let's play along anyhow. Let's pretend this isn't a goofy, obvious publicity stunt. OH MAH GAH, poor Jen! This is the worst. Not only did she flash her undies, she just revealed that she wears shapewear. Jennifer! Garner! Wears shapewear! Even though! She's skinny! What the heck!

More from The Stir: 7 Celeb Wardrobe Malfunctions Flashing Where the Sun Don't Shine

I mock. But actually, I've heard Garner talk about wearing Spanx before (like three children before). I think when you've got cameras and flashbulbs trained on you, it's natural to want everything to look flawless from every angle. She's not taking any chances. Except for picking up a corner of her skirt ...

Maybe next time don't wear a wrap-around skirt? Those things can be dangerous. Ever wear one in the wind? Horrible. No good. Very bad.

If this actually was an accident, I hope Garner wasn't too embarrassed. Good thing she was wearing something and wasn't going commando. The truth is, this sort of thing happens to all of us. It's just that usually there aren't so many people watching.

What's the most embarrassing public wardrobe malfunction you've ever suffered?

Images via Max DeAngelo, PacificCoastNews, Splash News

I admit, I'm a total liar -- when I'm grocery shopping, anyway. Upholder of truth in every other occasion, something about buying food turns me into the biggest self-deceiving, pants-on-fire, in-denial fibber around. Why is that? Well, I'm not the only one -- because here are some of the most ridiculous lies moms tell in the grocery store.

I'm sure you've never muttered any of these to yourself while pushing a shopping cart through the produce aisle ...

More from The Stir: Grocery Shopping With Kids: The 10th Circle of Hell

Image via momessie/Instagram

Nobody likes wasting food. But sometimes, maybe too often, we just don't get around to eating something by the time its "best is used by" date rolls around. Hopefully you're not confusing that with the "sell-by" date, which is usually means you have another week or so to eat. 

Something to keep in mind: "Best if used by" dates have more to do with the food's quality than its safety. "Use by," on the other hand, usually means you should consume the food before that date, as explained by public health and safety organization NSF International.

But even so, just because a food has "expired" past that printed date doesn't necessarily mean it's unsafe to eat. There are a few exceptions -- and if you're aware of them, you can avoid wasting both food and money.

More from The Stir: You've Been Reading Food Expiration Dates All Wrong

Images via booleansplit/Flickr; bert_m_b/Flickr

Sad news about one patient we've been worried about: Thomas Eric Duncan, the man being treated for the Ebola virus in Dallas, died earlier this morning, Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital said in a statement.

Duncan, 42, the first patient in the U.S. stricken with the deadly disease, had been receiving the experimental drug brincidofovir since Saturday. The hospital says he had been on a ventilator and undergoing kidney dialysis. The last time Duncan's family saw him was on Monday, via a closed circuit camera.

Duncan died just before 8 a.m. Wednesday. Said the hospital:

It is with profound sadness and heartfelt disappointment that we must inform you of the death of Thomas Eric Duncan this morning at 7:51 am. Mr. Duncan succumbed to an insidious disease, Ebola. He fought courageously in this battle. Our professionals, the doctors and nurses in the unit, as well as the entire Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital Dallas community, are also grieving his passing. We have offered the family our support and condolences at this difficult time.

Texas Health Presbyterian failed to diagnose Duncan with Ebola when he was first admitted to the emergency room on September 25. They sent him home, even though doctors had access to travel history indicating he had just been in Liberia. Three days later, Duncan returned by ambulance with worse symptoms. The people he came in contact with during those three days are being closely monitored. 

More from The Stir: Ebola Virus Outbreak Spreading Fast: 8 Things You Need to Know

The Liberia native and dad came to Dallas in late September to attend his son Karsia Duncan's high school graduation. He had been planning to marry his son's mother and apply for permanent status in the U.S.

What's particularly tragic about this is that he was so young, and if doctors had been able to determine what was wrong with him earlier, maybe something more could have been done to save his life. Massachusetts doctor Rick Sacra survived Ebola, after contracting it while treating patients in Liberia. But it is such a terrible disease that perhaps nothing could have changed Duncan's fate. Our hearts go out to his family. 

Image © Alan Schein/Corbis

I've always thought waiting tables looked like an incredibly challenging job. You're keeping track of people's orders, balancing plates of hot food and glasses of liquid, delicately navigating a room full of moving diners, and you're doing it all with a smile on your face. But here's something many of us aren't even aware of: A whopping 80 percent of female servers say they've been sexually harassed by customers.

What is wrong with people?!?

So says a jaw-dropping report called "The Glass Floor" by Restaurant Opportunities Centers United, an organization focused on improving conditions for restaurant workers. And you can probably guess what the biggest factor is in whether or not waitresses get sexually harassed. Hint: It has NOTHING to do with their anatomy.

It's all about tips. Of the 688 restaurant workers ROC surveyed, the women earning the tipped minimum wage ($2.13 an hour) reported the highest rates of harassment. Naturally. Because you're going to put up with more bad behavior if your very living depends on earning tips.

To those of you who have waited or currently wait tables, this is probably not much of a surprise. You're all too familiar with the dilemma of tolerating gross and sometimes threatening behavior just so you can keep paying your bills. 

And NO, an extra-generous tip doesn't make up for it.

More from The Stir: Mom's Cheap Tip Drives Angry Waitress to Do Something Crazy

For most female diners, this may not seem to be relevant to our lives. I mean, gee, sorry it's so tough for you ladies but I would never, blah blah blah ... But I don't think we should get off so easy. If sexual harassment of waitresses is this high, chances are good it at least occasionally happens in our presence.

At some time or another, we've been on a date or in a group where men were giving their servers "a hard time" -- as they like to call it. (Sounds so much better that way, right? Totally harmless.) Well, maybe we should give men who harass servers a hard time, too! 

It takes some courage, and no one wants to start a fight. But at the very least, we should make it clear we don't think that kind of behavior is acceptable -- I would say no sex for sexual harassers, but that's just me. It's not solely our responsibility to keep men in line (I mean, supposedly they're grown-ups and all). But you never know when speaking up will make a difference. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to get called on their bad deeds to get them to stop.

Have you ever seen your date, husband, or friend sexually harass a waitress? What did you do?

Image © Flint/Corbis

Everyone, put down your coffee and make sure you're sitting down for this news. Because! Ariana! Grande! Was seen! Ponytail-less! That's right, the songstress with a problem was spotted running around with her hair down and we can't even. Who let Ariana out of her ponytail? Is this allowed?

Ha! Kidding, this is so not important. The world will continue spinning if Miss Grande lets her hair down. So why are people talking about it, then? What's the fuss all about?

See, I was starting to think maybe Grande's signature look was part of her contract, along with the Mod-style mini-dresses and go-go boots. I admire the discipline! And I also suspect maybe her hair was so tightly pulled back in order to hold her brains in. You know, because she's so very young, still, and have her fontanelles even closed up yet?

But Ariana Grande herself articulated (see? The fontanelle-closing hairstyle is working ... ) why she so often sports a ponytail:

I had to bleach my hair and dye it red every other week for the first 4 years of playing Cat ... as one would assume, that completely destroyed my hair. I now wear a wig on Sam & Cat. My real hair is back to brown and I wear extensions, but I wear it in a ponytail because my actual hair is so broken that it looks absolutely ratchet and absurd when I let it down.

Well if there's anything I hate, it's when my hair looks both "ratchet" and absurd. So there you go -- the ponytail is a big wad o' extensions. (Grande is referring to her Nickelodeon show Sam & Cat.) But how did she pull off this look, then?

Oh yeah, new extensions. But hey, nice that she finally got a break from the pulled-back look. Either way, up or down, extensions or all her hair, we think she looks adorable.

Why do you think Ariana usually wears her hair in a ponytail? And which way do you think looks better?

Images via Splash News, Simon Earl / Splash News

Womenfolk, one of the great sexual legends has just been slain. Have you been laboring tirelessly for that vaginal orgasm? On an endless quest to find your G-spot? You can give it a rest, because according to science you are literally looking for love in all the wrong places. One study claims the G-spot is a myth. And another study claims vaginal orgasm doesn't exist.

But what about that one time ... ? So then how come you've so often ... Where do they get OFF ... ???

I know. Let me explain. Both studies conclude (more or less) that the clitoris is key to female climax. But if you're feeling the magic elsewhere, it's because women's orgasms are complex and can involve other regions of your genital area. Here's why this is such a game-changer for your sex life.

1. There is no vaginal orgasm. Here's how the authors of that study put it. "The 'vaginal' orgasm that some women report is always caused by the surrounding erectile organs (triggers of female orgasm)." In vaginal sex, the penis can't even reach the organs that make you go woo. So if either of you are frustrated because his thrusting hasn't made you see stars, don't worry. You're not doing it wrong. It's just that you need do so some other kinds of stimulation to get off.

2. Size matters. Women who have trouble having orgasms tend to have a smaller clitoris, and it tends to be farther from the vagina. So if you're having trouble climaxing, that could be the root of your problem.

3. The clitoris is complex. Literally -- it's actually a complex of nerves shaped like a boomerang that extends under the skin. They call it the clitourethrovaginal (CUV) complex. That little nub at the front is just the tip of the iceberg. Someone please make up a new slang term for this because no one wants to say "oh baby, you really light my CUV complex" in bed.

4. The penis is like the clitoris. The CUV complex is made of the same materials as the penis. This has encouraged some scientists to call it the "female penis" because they're sexist knuckleheads. I mean, you could just as easily say "male clitoris" for penis.

5. We get erections, too. It's just that ours happens in places like our labia minora and our clitoris, as I'm sure you've already noticed.

6. There is no G-spot. Another group of scientists say what we've been calling the G-spot is actually just one sensitive part of the CUV complex. So if you're not feeling it there, don't worry. There are other perfectly good parts of the CUV that are just as sensitive.

7. Just call it a "female orgasm." We should stop dividing our orgasms between "clitoral" and "vaginal" and thinking one's better than the other. 'Cause ITS ALL GOOD.

How well does all of this line up with your own experience? Did you always feel like the G-spot/vaginal orgasm was overhyped, or are you wondering if these scientists are from another planet?

Image © Mark Edward Atkinson/Blend Images/Corbis

We were very sad to hear that US Ebola patient Thomas Eric Duncan diedthis week. The hospital didn't accurately diagnose the 42-year-old dad the first time he was admitted to the emergency room and sent him home -- where he came into contact with family members.

If you've been following stories of this and other Ebola outbreaks, we wouldn't blame you for feeling a little paranoid. Does all this mean that we're facing a possible epidemic here in the US? Are you, your kids, and the rest of the family at risk of getting Ebola?

Health experts say no, most of us are not at risk of contracting the Ebola virus. Here's what you need to know to protect yourself and your family and keep from getting stressed about it.

1. Hospitals and doctors are "on the case" and know what to look for. The story of how the Dallas hospital first handled Duncan is troubling, but it's not the whole story. "Public health people are very much aware of the Ebola virus and are making sure we're protected," says infectious diseases specialist Dr. Aaron Glatt, Chief Administrative Officer at Mercy Medical Center in New York state.

2. Avoid travel to Africa. "If you're not traveling to the endemic areas in Africa, you're not at risk," says Glatt. By endemic areas, he means the regions in West Africa where Ebola has spread. 

3. Avoid these other unlikely ways to get the virus. The CDC says health care workers treating Ebola patientsand their families are at the highest risk for exposure to the disease. The federal agency also cautions against coming into contact with infected wildlife -- not likely for those of us in other regions of the world, the CDC says:

For example, in Africa, Ebola may spread as a result of handling bushmeat (wild animals hunted for food) and contact with infected bats. The virus also can be spread through contact with objects (like clothes, bedding, needles, syringes/sharps, or medical equipment) that have been contaminated with the virus or with infected animals.

4. Be familiar with Ebola symptoms, but don't panic since they're similar to those of many other, more common illnesses. "The symptoms of Ebola are non-specific," says Glatt. "Fever, vomiting, diarrhea." (See the CDC's full list of Ebola symptoms.) However, if you have flu-like symptoms AND you've recently been to Liberia, Sierra Leone, Guinea, Senegal, or Nigeria, get to the nearest ER, tell them what's wrong, and inform them that you've recently traveled to West Africa. "But otherwise, it's not going to be Ebola," Glatt says. "There are other things you should be much more concerned about."

More from The Stir: Ebola Virus Outbreak Spreading Fast: 8 Things You Need to Know

5. Ebola is not an airborne-spread illness. It's transferred via bodily fluids: sweat, saliva, blood, urine, vomit, and excrement. Health care workers treating patients with Ebola need to follow safety protocol carefully.  

Despite what happened in Dallas, the US has the information and the capacity to keep the Ebola virus from spreading here. It's frightening to see such a powerful illness take so many lives so quickly and ruthlessly. But, as doctors and health officials keep assuring us, we are being protected from it here.

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Are you worried about your family getting Ebola? Does this reassure you?

Image © iStock.com/CEFutcher

What's the key to a long, happy marriage? Many couples will tell you it's sex. After all, it's the one thing you can to for each other as a couple that no one else can do for you. It's up there with communicating well. And as marital duties go, it's definitely more fun than balancing a checkbook or taking out the garbage. So how often should you be having sex? Once a week? Three or four times a week? Well, that's actually the wrong question.

It does look like the more often you have sex, the happier you are in general (well, as long as you feel like everyone is having sex less often than you are ... ). But how satisfied you are with your marriage is tied withhow satisfied you are with your sex life. Each feeds the other. The better your relationship, the better your sex life, and the better your sex life, the better your relationship -- regardless of how many times a week you do it.

So ... are you satisfied with your sex life?

More from The Stir: 5 Down & Dirty Tricks to Spice Up Your Marriage

I love a mind-obliterating orgasm as much as the next gal, of course. But I think truly satisfying sex is about more than that -- it's about feeling connected. Plenty of couples have frequent sex, but if it's not satisfying to her, if she feels used or put-upon during sex, it's not really serving its purpose. Sex should bring us closer together.

How do you do that, when you're tired, busy, worn out? If you're having trouble communicating as a couple outside the bedroom, how do you manage to touch souls in the bedroom?

Well, I don't have all the answers. But maybe focusing on quality over quantity can take some of the pressure off. Sex experts have told me that not every lovemaking session has to be EPIC -- even quickies count. But they count best when you're both really into them, and you're both there to feel closer to each other.

Long time married couple Ron and Mavis Perola recently told the Pope and about 200 prelates about what has made them last 55 years. It was beautiful.

[It's] the little things we did for each other, the telephone calls and love notes, the way we planned our day around each other and the things we shared were outward expressions of our longing to be intimate with each other. 

I love that phrase "our longing to be intimate with each other." Sex isn't just about the physical fun; it's about intimacy, feeling close to each other, sharing something only you two can share.

Gradually we came to see that the only feature that distinguishes our sacramental relationship from that of any other good Christ-centered relationship is sexual intimacy and that marriage is a sexual sacrament with its fullest expression in sexual intercourse.

Amazing.

Having a satisfying sex life can feel like a luxury, sometimes. A luxury you may feel you can't afford, a luxury that gets bumped lower and lower on the priority list, especially when you have kids. But if anything, it should be at the top of your list. Creating a great sex life together is one of the most important things you can do with your husband. It's good to be reminded of that sometimes.

How do you feel about making sex a priority? Do you feel like your sex life is satisfying enough?

Image © iStock.com/Spanic

I have a very important question for you. If you were suffering from a horrific case of diarrhea, would you be willing to eat poo to get better? It sounds insane, I know. Haven't we all been taught that eating the stuff will make you sick? Believe it or not, though, a bit o' stool could actually cure a severe intestinal infection -- and doctors have created an actual frozen poop pill that will help make (GULP!) the medicine go down.

Doctors have been experimenting with using fecal transplants to cure illnesses for a few years. Simply put, a sample of a healthy person's stool is placed inside a sick person's digestive tract. The healthy bacteria in the stool helps fight off the infection. But it's a rather ... well, let's just say the procedure is a tad invasive. (Imagine a tube going down your nose and into your small intestines. I'll say no more.)

More from The Stir: 'Poop Transplants' Could Be the Weight Loss Secret the World Has Been Waiting For

As an alternative, doctors can put stool from a healthy relative into a capsule. It would be absolutely lovely if they could then tint that capsule so you could pretend it's something, anything else. Alas, only transparent, acid-resistant pills will do. But when you freeze them, they kind of frost over, so at least there's that.

If you can get over the ick factor, these are nothing short of a miracle.

These poop pills have a 90 percent success rate, people! Out of 32 patients who took them, 31 achieved a "clinical resolution of diarrhea." Sure, that's a mighty small sample. But it sure looks promising.

How strange that such a counter-intuitive cure is so effective. Isn't biology wacky sometimes? If this treatment takes off, I'm sure doctors will still use it sparingly. But when I remember how I felt the last time I had a stomach bug, I'm pretty darn sure I'd swallow just about anything to feel better. And considering severe diarrhea leads to 14,000 deaths in the US every year, I think it's a small pill to swallow in order to save your life.

How would you feel about taking a frozen poop pill -- or contributing to the creation of frozen poop pills?

Image © iStock.com/Piotr Marcinski

Hey, you guys! You know what would be the funniest Halloween costume this year? Definitely NOT anEbola health care worker costume. Nor an Ebola patient. But you know people are going to don Hazmat suits and surgical masks this Halloween anyway. Why? Because people are scared, and when people are scared, they like to make fun of what scares them.

But don't do it, okay? And for the love of all that is holy, don't let your kid do it, either.

It's still a little early to say if this is actually going to be a theme this year, but we hear retailers have Breaking Bad costumes left over from last year. And those yellow jumpsuits and gloves may get snatched up this year for a very different kind of costume.

Just look at what happened at a Dallas Cowboys game a couple weeks ago. Manyfans dressed up in surgical masks and Hazmat suitsbecause LOL EBOLA AMIRITE?!? This happened a couple days before Ebola victim Eric Duncan died, so it's not quite as insensitive as it seems now. But yeesh.

More from The Stir: 8 DIY Halloween Costumes Made With Stuff From Around the House

Two nurses who treated Duncan have tested positive for Ebola. With early treatment, their chances of recovery are good, though you never know. But imagine if one of these women were your sister, mother, best friend. Imagine how Eric Duncan's son feels, having just lost his father. How funny is that Ebola-themed costume now?

Like I said, we wear costumes of things that scare us at Halloween. Making light of Ebola probably gives some people a sense of relief -- and I can't blame anyone for wanting that.

But the thing is you should feel relief that your chances of contracting Ebola are infinitesimal. You're more likely to die of the flu this year. Hell, you're more likely to get struck by lightning.

Anyway, if you know someone who is planning something like this, maybe you could tell them, "Come on, you're more creative than that. Don't be that guy, the guy who dresses up as Ignorant Insensitive Hivemind Dolt. Let me help you come up with a better costume so I'll actually want to be seen with you this Halloween." Folks, friends don't let friends dress up as Ebola.

What do you think of Halloween costumes that make light of the Ebola virus?

Image via Amazon

It's that moment when you cross from one world to a new one: The moment when you're diagnosed with breast cancer. From that point on, you've got a new, all-consuming focus. We talked with eight breast cancer survivors about how they felt, and what they thought, when they first heard the devastating news.

An Ah-Hah Moment

Andrea Ivory was a successful real estate agent when she was diagnosed with cancer. "My immediate response was shock: 'Oh, I didn't sign up for this!'" she told us. But Ivory had already been doing some soul searching before she became ill, so her next thought was, "Okay, there's nothing I can do about it, but how can I turn this into something positive? I was not going to let this defeat me." One year later she founded the The Women's Breast Health Initiative.

I've Got to Focus

Eloise Caggiano was a healthy 33-year-old when she found out she had breast cancer. "Needless to say, hearing the words 'We thought it was nothing, but you have breast cancer' was an unbelievable shock," she recalls.

"I was scared, overwhelmed, and my mind was whirling. I distinctly remember realizing that the doctor was still talking, but I hadn’t been listening, and I thought to myself, I’ve got to focus. I’ve got to listen. Because I have to call Mom and Dad later and somehow tell them I have breast cancer."

Caggiano says her battle with cancer gave her a new perspective that led her to become Program Director of Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.

More from The Stir: 10 Ways Women Fighting Breast Cancer Can Feel Beautiful & Fashionable

You Cannot Fall Apart

Melanie Young, small business owner and author of Getting Things Off My Chest: A Survivor's Guide to Staying Fearless and Fabulous in the Face of Breast Cancer, still remembers how it feels to get that news: "It takes your breath away, like someone punched you in the chest. I was told on the phone while at work. I stepped outside and let it sink in, taking deep breaths, and called my husband, David. You feel very lost in a new place you did not plan to visit and were not prepared for."

She continues, "First you cry. Then you go numb. But you cannot fall apart." Instead, Young got organized about her treatment. "Cancer is both life-changing and life-affirming," she says now. 

That's It!

Mary Anne Kochut got one of her breast cancer diagnoses on September 11, 2001, of all days. "As I was leaving the cancer center, after scheduling the first chemotherapy treatment, one tear rolled down my cheek and I said to myself, 'That's it! You've felt sorry for yourself long enough. Now let's concentrate on what we can do something about,'" she remembers.

The events of September 11 put things into perspective for Kochut. "The people who went to work that day thought they'd be going home that night. They didn't, I'm still here, and I'm here for a purpose: to increase awareness and inspire others."

After Kochut tested positive for the BRAC2 mutation gene, her daughters and a niece were tested -- and came out positive as well. They're all still alive today but have been empowered by having that information.

What's Next?

Adrian McClenney, founder of Sisters Network Miami, says when her doctor told her she had breast cancer, "I sat numb and shed a few tears, but I immediately wiped them away and asked, 'What's next?'" Her son had just left for college and she had a daughter in the fifth grade. "I knew whatever my situation may have been, there was no way I was not going to fight. I got so excited that the doctor had to tell me to calm down because they would have to wait to see if treatment would even help me." It took 16 rounds of chemotherapy, radiation, and multiple surgeries, but McClenney's cancer is thankfully in remission.

I Prayed

"I will never forget the day the surgeon patted me on the shoulder in the recovery room and said, 'We got us a little breast cancer, but don't worry; it is going to be okay,'" says Alice Patterson, Associate Professor of Education and Director of the EdD Program at Trevecca Nazarene University. She had stage-three cancer.

"Those words strapped me onto a roller coaster with loops and turns for which I was not prepared. Mortified does not even describe my feelings. I was 52 years old and the single parent of a 10-year-old daughter. I did only what I knew to do. Pray." She asked God to let her survive to raise her daughter to be an independent woman; her daughter had just graduated high school. And her prayers were answered.

I Am Going to Do Everything I Can 

"I remember like it was yesterday," says mother of four Diane Vaughn of her breast cancer diagnosis in 2006. "I was standing in my bedroom and my doctor told me over the phone I had stage-four breast cancer." She says her feelings of shock motivated her. "My first reaction was that I was going to do everything I could do to deal with it." She was 38; her children ranged in age from 4 to 13.

In a cruel twist of fate in 2010, Vaughn lost her husband to an aggressive form of stomach cancer. Still, she says, "I'm happier about birthdays now, knowing I could have died."

I'm Going to Fight This

Christine Ajayi says getting her breast cancer diagnosis was "a lot to take in." She was 46 years old. "I have four children, breastfed, never smoked, never drank. The oncologist said he couldn't tell me why I got cancer, but sometimes it just happens even when you do everything right."

"I was pretty sure my doctor was going to tell me it was cancer, even before the biopsy results," Ajayi recalls. "From the first moment, I thought, I'm going to fight this because I've got a lot to fight for." 

We'd like to express our gratitude to these women for sharing their stories and hope they'll be helpful to other women who have to ponder this difficult choice.

Do you or someone you know have breast cancer? What did you think the moment you heard the diagnosis?

Image © iStock.com/bns124

Quick, describe your love life in three words. JUST THREE WORDS?!? That seems impossible, doesn't it? But the hashtag #MyLoveLifein3Words is trending on Twitter this morning and you've got to see some of the responses. When you're challenged to reduce something so big and complex into just a few words, you get pretty creative. Oh, and then there are also the people with nonexistent love lives -- they have a lot to say, too. Or rather, exactly three words. Here are 15 of our favorites.

1. Let's start things off on a positive note.

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Hungry. Horny. Happy #MyLoveLifeIn3Words

— Mr. I. M. Grumbles (@grumblesthacook) October 16, 2014

2. Kinda have to agree with this one.

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#mylovelifein3words Is that bacon?

— Scott (@ScottNewey11) October 16, 2014

3. Go get some, lady!

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#mylovelifein3words great, i'm single.

— Maryamm. (@DalMaKuchKalaH) October 16, 2014

4. Aww, sometimes fiction is better than reality.

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I'd rather read. #mylovelifein3words

— kesablancas (@kestlekhea) October 16, 2014

5. Haha, that bad, huh?

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#mylovelifein3words Error404: Not found

— Ishley (@ItsIshley) October 16, 2014

6. But thanks for playing.

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#mylovelifein3words NOT A THING

— MARY? MARY. :P (@MaryVlogs5SOS) October 16, 2014

7. Ouch, I think we've all felt this way at some point.

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#mylovelifein3words an absolute joke

— there's no k (@nicwill19) October 16, 2014

More from The Stir: 5 Major Lifestyle Changes That Can Help Your Love Life

8. Fearless.

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#mylovelifein3words sad beautiful tragic

— jacqueline raley •â��• (@jackiekellyr1) October 16, 2014

9. You never know!

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#mylovelifein3words Never gonna happen �

— Alia Ghazali (@aliaariel) October 16, 2014

10. This one says so much.

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#mylovelifein3words I am Groot

— JOE-nas Potter (@saylee_padwal) October 16, 2014

11. Right on, cat ladies represent.

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#mylovelifein3words love my cat

— Johanna Drzyzga (@plaidjohanna) October 16, 2014

12. I think this is Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right?

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#MyLoveLifeIn3Words Sleep Food Wi-Fi

— Ù�دÙ�Ù�زÙ�Ù� Ù�Ù�حÙ�س (@ayamhamad10) October 16, 2014

13. You do you for now, man.

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"@kendralandan: #mylovelifein3words Try Again Later."

— Cj Occeña (@joycetel17) October 16, 2014

14. Ruh-roh ...

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#MyLoveLifeIn3Words i am desperate

— Merve (@poemsxcoffee) October 16, 2014

15. And finally, this one is my favorite because it's what I would say, too:

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#mylovelifein3words madly in love

— Marcus #TRE (@Marcus211___) October 16, 2014

Your turn, now: Describe your love life in three words!

Image © iStock.com/DRB Images, LLC

Hearts a-flutter, it's finally happened -- he proposed! The love of your life asked you to marry him, and you accepted. You're ecstatic. Except. Oh God ... it's such a silly little thing, but yikes. You hate the engagement ring your fiance picked out. Right guy, wrong ring. So very, very wrong. What do you do? Is this something you just get over, or is there actually a way to talk about it?

More from The Stir: A 'Placeholder' Engagement Ring Could Have Saved Your Proposal

The short answer? You absolutely should bring it up with the man you intend to marry. Emily Post's Etiquette Daily advises, "You need to speak to your fiance about your distaste for the ring style." But there's something crucial you need to tell him first.

1. Say thank you. "Express gratitude for the intention that the ring was given with love, care, and thought," says family counselor and author of Success Love NOW Dr. Laurie Moore. "Explain how much that means to you."

2.Talk about what you want that ring to represent to you. Moore suggests bringing up your dislike for the ring this way:

Something came up that is a bit vulnerable for me to share, but it is important. The ring is not really my taste, and because I will wear it forever, I wish for it to be something that represents my JOY for us. May we pick one out together instead, or can I give you an idea of what characteristics a ring will have that will make me feel good -- which is what I want to do: feel good about us every time I look at it?

Put it in your own words, of course. But do you see what's being said there? You want that ring to represent the feelings you have for each other. That's a very positive way to put it.

3. Be prepared for hurt feelings. Emily Post warns that your fiance may feel touchy about the subject. "Above all, be sensitive to your fiance’s feelings, as he may have chosen the ring with the utmost care and thoughtfulness, and may react to your wanting to change the ring with mixed emotions."

4. Suggest alternatives. Once you've brought up the topic, there are a couple solutions Emily Post recommends. If the ring is a family heirloom, you could offer to reset it. If it's new, you could offer to find a different setting. Emily Post doesn't mention this, and it may seem fairly obvious, but I think it's worth saying: Your pick for setting should be in the same price range as his original selection. 

Keep this in mind as well: This talk isn't just about the ring. It's an opportunity to set the tone for honest conversations in your marriage. "Starting the process of valuing honesty over sparing feelings in a positive way sets wonderful ground for long-term collaboration and cooperation," Moore says.

It's an awkward subject. But you'll have plenty more challenging discussions in your lives together. This is great practice for you as a couple.

How did you feel about your engagement ring?

Image © iStock.com/eyecrave, © Tammy Hanratty/Corbis

Just in time for Halloween I have what must be the scariest story about spiders since ... oh wait, didn't we just hear about that house that was "bleeding" spiders a few days ago? Well, this is just as horrible: A man vacationing in Bali says doctors discovered aspider burrowed under his skin -- where it lived for three days before it was removed. And we haven't even told you what the spider did while it was under this man's skin.

Oh, you're still reading? You must be brave! Okay, here's what happened. Australian Dylan Thomas (not to be confused with the Welsh poet) was vacationing in Bali when he discovered a red trail starting two inches from his navel and leading up to his belly. "It was like someone had scratched me with a knife," he later said.

More from The Stir: Man Sets House on Fire Trying to Kill Spider

According to Thomas, the trail grew by another couple inches by the evening. Doctors told him it was a bug bite and gave him some antihistamine.

It got worse: The next morning the trail sprouted blisters.

Finally, Thomas says, he saw a dermatologist. That's when doctors discovered a spider about the size of a match head had burrowed into the scar from his recent appendectomy. He says, "I felt violated!" (By the spider.) He wanted to keep the spider, but he says doctors took it to get tested so it could be identified. That's why we don't have a photo of the critter, so ...

Hey wait a minute, a man found a SPIDER living under his skin and he didn't grab his cellphone to photograph it before doctors took it away? (He did take photos of his belly.) And why didn't anyone interview any of Thomas' doctors? Hm ...

Curious, we reached out to University of California, Riverside entomologist Rick Vetter to see how common it is for spiders to burrow underneath human skin. You will be relieved to know that THIS IS NOT TYPICAL SPIDER BEHAVIOR. Vetter expressed some skepticism over Thomas' claims based on his own research on spiders, which happen to be his specialty:

None of it makes sense from an arachnological standpoint. If it is true, I would like to see some proof of the spider. There is no reason for a spider to enter a human body, and from the size of the spider (about the size of a match head), I can't imagine any reason why it would burrow into a hole in a human body and that it could make it such a long distance pushing skin and tissue out of the way.

That's what fly maggots do, not spiders. So there you go -- this could be a hoax! And if it turns out I'm right, let's just all remember that I called it first. Okay, fine, Vetter called it first.

We're not saying Thomas fabricated this story. We'd need to hear all the facts to do that. It could be true! But I for one am glad to find out this isn't something spiders typically do, not even tropical spiders. One less thing to worry about when you book that exotic beach vacation!

Have you ever heard of a spider doing this?

Image © iStock.com/Alasdair Thomson

I have good news for pasta lovers who are trying to be thin. Supposedly, when youreheat your leftover pasta, it magically transforms into more diet-friendly carbs. I am not making this up. And no, I haven't found out if this works for cupcakes, too. Here's what the TV show Trust Me, I'm a Doctor found out about pasta. 

Okay, so just as a refresher. You know how pasta usually works, right? The carbs in pasta break down into sugar in your body, hit the bloodstream running, turn on the insulin brigade, and jack up your blood sugar level. Whatever you don't use immediately then turns into fat. Meanwhile your appetite increases.

The demo on the BBC show supposedly proved that when you cook pasta, let it cool, and then reheat it again, it converts into what's called "resistant starch." That's a kind of starch that resists getting broken down completely. On the show, the leftover pasta actually reduced the rise in people's blood sugar by 50 percent.

More from The Stir: Eat-All-You-Want Thanksgiving Weight Prevention Plan

Just kidding -- I mean, I do live on leftovers. But is this really a game-changer? Could you actually drop pounds just by reheating leftover pasta? I wonder ... I mean, it's probably something most moms are doing anyway. 

But what if we started doing this from the start? I mean, when you make pasta for dinner, you could cook it, let it cool, and then heat it again. Which would make total sense because don't we all have oodles of extra time most nights to cook our pasta TWICE??

Right. So that's obviously not going to work. But it's still interesting to know this (supposedly, according to this one, tiny experiment on a whopping nine volunteers) happens to pasta. If nothing else, you can relax a little while slurping down your leftover spaghetti for lunch today.

What do you think -- will knowing how pasta changes when you reheat it change how you eat it?

Image © iStock.com/photovideostock

There are cakes. And then there are incredibly realistic-looking custom sculpted cakes that actually look like the thing they are supposed to be. Shoes? Check. Hot wings? Check. A backpack? She's got you covered. Created by Debbie Goard ofDebbie Does Cakes in Oakland, California, these desserts are so realistic, you'll never believe they are made out of cake and frosting. And wait until you hear how this pastry artist got her start!

"My background was in art," Goard says. "I had always been interested in experimenting with cake as art."

Feast your eyes on these truly artistic creations and then tell us: 

What would your "dream" sculpted cake be?

Image via Debbie Does Cakes

There are a lot of "fun" surprises you encounter when you get divorced. One of my favorites is that acutely painful purgatory we call mealtime. No more "you cook and I'll clean up." Forget taking turns making dinner. I'm on my own here in the trenches. And that means I need to magically make dinner appear within minutes of walking in the door after I get home from work every day. So I've come up with a few strategies -- I call them cooking without actually cooking. Here are 8 ways to feed your kids without cooking a thing. 

1. Junior Tapas Plates. You know how you go to a tapas bar, and they serve you little plates of this and that? I do that at home, only it's a little plate of, say, turkey slices, chunks of cheddar, canned tuna, some dried fruit or apple slices, handful of nuts. Leftovers work great with this (a chunk of last night's rotisserie chicken, a dab of macaroni and cheese). It's all about the presentation: Everything on little cake plates or even saucers. 

2. Taco Tuesday. And speaking of that rotisserie chicken, when I'm not devouring it right off the bone, I like to use it for tacos. You just need tortillas or those hard shells, salsa, shredded lettuce, grated cheese, and whatever else you like in your tacos. 

3. The Raw Bar. I've made it a point to stock up on fruit and vegetables we both enjoy eating raw. Fruit is fairly easy. But for veggies, I'll get those long, skinny-style carrots (because "baby" carrots taste like wood to me), cucumbers, sugar snap peas, and cherry tomatoes.

You know what's tasty -- for moms, mostly? Radishes dipped in soft butter and sprinkled with salt. Know what else is surprisingly good raw? Zucchini, sliced super thin with a drizzle of olive oil and some Parmesan shaved over it.

4. Hummus Plate. If you're lucky enough to have a kid who eats hummus, this is a snap. Forget loading the hummus into the halved pita bread. That's just going to lead to frustration and mess. Instead, just have everyone dip their pita bread into individual-sized dishes of store-bought hummus or baba ghanoush. Throw some of those raw vegetables I was talking about on the side and that's dinner.

5. Yogurt Smoothies. For breakfast, for lunch, for dinner -- does it really matter? I buy large containers of plain yogurt. You can blend with bananas and peanut butter. Or you can make a simple cucumber yogurt soup. For a snack for my son, I'll stir some jam or honey into a single serving.

6. Nacho Ordinary Salad. Dump everything you might like in a burrito -- beans, shredded cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, salsa, corn nibblets -- into a bowl. Serve with corn tortilla chips. 

7. Japanese-ish Rice Balls. Onigiri are little balls of sushi rice, usually stuffed with fish. Here's the proper way to make Japanese rice balls. But you can make a simpler version with (ahem) leftover Chinese takeout rice. Just wet your hands and form it into balls. Dip into soy sauce if you like. 

8. Roasted Whatever. Okay, this is actually cooking, but it's so easy. Whenever I find pre-chopped vegetables (cauliflower, squash, carrots, potatoes, broccoli) at the grocery store I'll toss them with olive oil, sprinkle with salt, and roast them at 375 degrees until they're nice and soft. Sometimes I'll throw in some cumin and paprika, maybe garlic cloves. But even just the oil and salt is a total winner every time.

What do you "cook" when you don't have time to cook?

Image © iStock.com/martinplkang