It's hard to believe this hasn't already happened. Guess who will grace the 2015 September Vogue cover? Beyoncé, bien sûr! Queen Bey herself shall ascend to her rightful throne at long last. 

Beyoncé will be the first black female recording artist to cover the September issue of Vogue, so this is a major milestone for all fans of the magazine. Only two other black women have done the September issue cover alone, Naomi Campbell (1989) and Halle Berry (2010).

But you know what? BEY, that's what. Vogue titles her story, "Beyoncé and the Art of Global Domination" -- you know husband Jay Z about fainted with joy when he heard that. And the theme of the issue is "Forces of Fashion." So who better to personify all that than Beyoncé? She is a force unto herself.

More from The Stir: Beyonce & Jay-Z Needed to Get Off the Grammys Stage & Get a Room

And she's doing it all in wet hair! Well, wet hair and lavender lace dress with floral panels and a garnet beaded cloak at her side. Also, who knows if her hair is wet with water or with nectar of the gods -- personally I'm going with the latter.

All exaggerated superlatives aside, we have to say, she does look resplendent on the cover. We think it's Vogue that's the fortunate one to have Beyoncé as their face this month.

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Join us in our efforts to support the children of Haiti. Get your BeyGOOD shirt today! beygoodhaiti.beyonce.com #BeyGOODHaiti ��

A photo posted by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on Jun 4, 2015 at 12:43pm PDT

Images via beyonce/Instagram; Vogue

Did the Duggars violate child labor laws? In the seven years the show 19 Kids and Counting filmed, no work permits were issued for the Duggar children. No big deal? According to Arkansas law, children under the age of 14 are forbidden to work.

Arkansas Department of Labor's Denise P. Oxley tells RadarOnline, "Our office never issued a work permit for any of the children on this show." However, that doesn't mean the family broke the law.

"Just because children were being filmed as part of a reality show does not mean that they were employees within the meaning of Arkansas’s child labor laws and were required to have such a permit," Oxley adds. She says no one has filed a complaint to her office over the children's participation in the show.

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A photo posted by The Duggar Family (@duggarfam) on Aug 13, 2014 at 7:01am PDT

I suppose it could come down to whose names you see in the Duggar family's contracts with TLC and whose names are on the paychecks. Since the kids were ostensibly going about their ordinary lives it certainly wouldn't look like they were employed -- not any more than your average kid tasked with chores around the house.

Then again, as scripted as reality television shows are, there may have been quite a bit of gray area there. 

More from The Stir: 16 of Jessa Duggar & Ben Seewald's Cutest Moments

Still, this probably won't add up to a hill of beans unless someone wants to go through the trouble of filing a complaint. And who wants to do that? Why kick the family when they're already down? 

It does seem odd, in retrospect, that TLC didn't see to that detail. We don't know their side of the story, and there may be some very good reasons why no work permits were filed for the kids. Too much paperwork? At any rate, the show is over for those kids now.

Image via duggarfam/Instagram

Hey guys, girlfriend's got a restraining order against you? Thinking of stalking her on Facebook instead? Well think again. A man has been charged with violating his no-contact order after "liking" his ex-girlfriend's Facebook videos and photos.

April Holland filed a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend Justin Bellanco, claiming he had been stalking and harassing her and her friends -- even threatening to shoot her in the knee cap just to watch her suffer. According to the Wilkes-Barre Times Leader, the judge granted Holand's order on August 4, forbidding Bellanco from making contact for a full year.

And then Bellanco had to go and "like" 22 of Holland's photos and videos. Busted! Also, what a creepy, weird thing to do. Police arrested him and charged him with contempt of court.

More from The Stir: 5 Signs Someone Is Stalking You on Facebook

Of course, Holland could have enabled Bellanco to follow that court order by blocking him from Facebook. But that's not her job -- ultimately it's his responsibility to resist the temptation to stalk her online. According to the Citizen's Voice Bellanco didn't know Facebook stalking counted. But please -- surely he knew that at the very least he was pushing a boundary he really shouldn't.

Think of how Holland must have felt when she saw all those likes. They probably sprung up overnight like mushrooms, the result of a Jägermeister-fueled all-nighter.

Interesting side note: Bellanco filed a restraining order against Holland in 2014 claiming she choked him while he tried to escort her off his property during a dispute. His PFA expired just a few months before she filed hers against him. 

Image via Twin Design/shutterstock

How frisky do you feel when you're hungry? Zero much frisky, right? No sex on an empty stomach, that's my motto. Well, science has finally gathered actual proof that hanger dampens women's desire. 

University of California, San Diego postdoctoral fellow Alice Ely had 20 healthy women fast for eight hours. Then she hooked them up to an fMRI scanner and showed them pictures, some romantic, some neutral. Then she let the hungry women drink a 500-calorie meal replacement drink, hooked them back up to the scanner, and showed them more photos.

Surprise, surprise! The women "were more responsive to romantic cues" when they had full bellies, Ely says. "Instead of being anxious and annoyed and irritable when you’re hungry … once we’re sated, then we can get on to better things."

More from The Stir: What Men Really Want When It Comes to Romance

"Yeah. It's a bit obvious, isn't it?" says clinical psychologist and author Dr. Ramani Durvasula.

That's what we thought! I'm way less playful and fun when I'm hungry, and I don't need science to tell me why -- though some of us may be forwarding this article to our significant others because finally, science is backing us up on this important issue.

More from The Stir: 5 Foods Perfect for the Bedroom

Durvasula says behavior economics backs up this super obvious relationship between hunger and sex, too. "When we are focused on a more pressing need like a deadline or being hungry we tend to get tunnel vision. When we are sated we can open our minds and mental bandwidth to other things -- work, romance etc."

Ah yes, tunnel vision. But what happens when your tunnel vision has an enchilada at the end and your man's leads to a different kind of happy ending? Maybe that's a good time to reenact that food-sex scene from 9½ Weeks.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Image via gosphotodesign/Shutterstock

A furious cuckold eliminated his rival in an extreme way ... yeesh! Student and boxer Ikki Kitsugai was arrested for cutting off the genitals of another man he believes had an affair with his wife. But he didn't stop there, according to reports.

According to Japanese news outlet NHK, Kitsugai showed up first thing in the morning at the office of a lawyer and began punching the man in the face. When the lawyer was near unconsciousness Kitsugai allegedly pulled out a pair of garden shears and snipped off the man's penis. And then. He flushed the penis down the toilet.

Bye, Felicia!

Sorry -- this is not funny. It is NOT! That poor man -- what is he supposed to do now? Sometimes you can re-attach genitals if you act quickly. But how do you retrieve a penis that's been flushed down the toilet? The poor guy's life is ruined. 

What if the husband got the wrong guy? Or what if no affair took place at all? Not that an affair would justify this crime.

More from The Stir: Wife Cuts Off Husband's Penis & Chucks It Into a River

And what about the woman at the center of this love triangle? She's got a lover who is missing something very important and a total psychopath for a husband who will likely be spending the next several years in prison.

According to reports the woman is believed to work as a clerk at the law office and may have been present for the attack. Imagine how traumatic it would be to witness this. At least the angry husband didn't attack his wife as well. Hopefully the victim will be all right, one way or another.

Image via damiangretka/Shutterstock

Ever since former Affleck nanny Christine Ouzounian surfaced as the alleged other woman in their split we sure have been seeing an awful lot of her. Is she Affleck's kept woman? Or is she taking the tabloids -- and the rest of us -- for a ride?

Our saga begins with Ouzounian accompanying the Affleck family to the Bahamas. The couple were rumored to be secretly separated. 

June 27

Nanny Ouzounian flies with Affleck back from the Bahamas to Los Angeles sans wife and kids ... with a wee detour through Las Vegas for a poker tournament. Let me guess: "You're my lucky charm, Chrissy!" They pick up Tom Brady along the way.

More from The Stir: Ben Affleck Flew His Former Nanny to Vegas Before His Split & She Apparently Had a Blast

June 29

Ben returns to his family in the Bahamas.

June 30

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner announce their divorce.

July 1

The public still does not know about Ouzounian. But here's what was going on according to Hollywood Life: Jen is furious when she finds out Ouzounian joined that side trip to Vegas. She fires the nanny -- and Ben just lets her, can you believe? Evidently Ouzounian was not a woman worth fighting over. Outraged, the ex-nanny is now considering suing for wrongful termination, according to Hollywood Life's source.

But what she really wants is Ben. "Christine would rather be Ben’s girlfriend than nanny. She has strong feelings for him and wishes he wanted a relationship," a friend of hers tells the tabloid. 

July 17

We still haven't been introduced to Ouzounian, but the trap is being set. Our lady Poppins is photographed by paparazzi delivering champagne to Ben Affleck at his Los Angeles rental home. A source later tells ET Ouzounian was the one who tipped off the paps.

The champagne was probably her idea to make it look like they were celebrating the divorce together, and Ben was all, "um... okay, thanks?"

Tabloids sit on the photos for nearly two weeks.

July 29

Us magazine breaks the story that Affleck has been dating Ouzounian "according to multiple sources." A friend of hers claims the two hung out without the kids and were "flirty," texting and emailing each other even after the divorce announcement. "She says Ben really, really likes her," the source told Us. "She's saying this is true love." 

Affleck, though a spokesperson, denies, denies, denies: "All allegations of a romantic relationship are baseless and untrue."

The New York Post shares a photo from Ouzounian's private Instagram account of the nanny in a private jet wearing Brady's four Superbowl rings and a Cheshire cat's grin.

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Ben Affleck flew his nanny to Vegas — while unsuspecting Jen stayed home with the kids http://t.co/kio6ewydmTpic.twitter.com/nVFcUGmyDz

— New York Post (@nypost) August 11, 2015

Ouzounian sees her name in headlines and literally gets high from the visual stimulation. There's no stopping her now!

July 29 

Ouzounian checks into the Hotel Bel-Air amid rumors of her affair with Affleck. Her room is estimated to cost $1,500 a night and she helps herself to about $500 of services at the spa. Throw in food and a six-day staycation is estimated to ring it at $12,100 and counting. She's rumored to still be there today.

A source tells Us that Affleck is footing the bill for her new lavish lifestyle. But a friend of Ben's tells them he "did not cover the Bel-Air bill. You would not find his credit card there, plain and simple." Of course not. Me thinks that stay is courtesy of Ouzounian's tabloid payola.

More from The Stir: Ben Affleck's Nanny Is Giving Us Some Creepy 'Gone Girl' Vibes

A friend of Ouzounian's claims the two are in constant contact and that he totally trusts her.

Yeah, I can see how Affleck would trust a woman who appears to be fabricating an elaborate affair narrative to sell to the tabloids and milk the whole thing for as long as she possibly can.

August 10

On her private Instagram account Ouzounian posts a paparazzi photo of herself leaving her home. She captions it, "'She's just a girl and she's on fire' -- Alicia Keys." Yup, but how long before she burns out? (Please say by September.)

August 12

Christine Ouzounian shows off her new $43,000 white Lexus IS Convertible all over Los Angeles, long hair whipping in the breeze. ET caught an Instagram photo Ouzounian posted, captioned "Keep calm and meet my new drop top Lexi." WHO PAID FOR IT??? Eyes turned suspiciously to Affleck, who also owns a Lexus, which his former nanny had been seen driving the night of the champagne delivery.

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Ouzounian is also seen sipping a basic white and laughing with friends over brunch at the posh Beverly Hills Il Postaio. Hahahaha! Ah, life!

August 13

Sources close to Affleck tell TMZ in no uncertain terms that Ben Affleck is not funding Ouzounian's lavish lifestyle. They also say the two were not alone on that trip to Vegas and that, P.S. he is not even in contact with her anymore.

Just to drive the point home Affleck's sources also tell People that he did not buy Ouzounian's car and is so not talking to her right now. "They are not in communication. They are not talking."

So what do you think? Did anything at all happen between Affleck and Ouzounian? Maybe they flirted a little too much and she took it all too seriously. Maybe they had a one-night stand. The former nanny has been so brazen it makes you wonder if she's got something on Affleck. But then, her efforts to frame Affleck have been so obvious I suspect whatever dirt she has isn't that substantial.

At any rate, it sure looks like she's milking her 15 minutes of fame for all it's worth -- and more.

Somewhere at a poker table, a regret-filled movie star swirls a tumbler of whisky, Modern Jazz Quartet's "Tears From the Children" playing on repeat through his headphones. He signals wearily to the croupier.

Image via Splash News

We are all horrified at the news that Morgan Freeman's granddaughter, E'Dena Hines, was fatally stabbed. The 33-year-old's boyfriend, Lamar Davenport, has been arrested and charged with her murder. According to witnesses, the circumstances of her death are bizarre.

Hines's body was found outside her New York City apartment at 3:00 a.m. with multiple stab wounds. Neighbors tell CBS News they overheard Hines and Davenport arguing before the incident, saying it sounded like Davenport was trying to perform an exorcism. "I heard the him say something like 'Devil, be gone, Jesus and God,'" George Hudacko told CBS. "I said uh oh."

Another neighbor, Patrick Curry, told CBS he witnessed the murder from his window. "He was kneeling over her and screaming about 'God has arisen.' He was totally off the ranch."

Was Davenport suffering from a psychological breakdown or delusions? It was first reported that he had been taken to Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center for mental evaluation. But since then the press has learned that he was arrested for his live-in girlfriend's murder. We'll have to wait and see what was really behind Hines's horrific death.

More from The Stir: Man Hates Name Mom Picked Out for Baby ... So He Kills Her

Meanwhile, Morgan Freeman told People magazine in a statement, "The world will never know her artistry and talent, and how much she had to offer. Her friends and family were fortunate enough to have known what she meant as a person. Her star will continue to shine bright in our hearts, thoughts and prayers. May she rest in peace." And Freeman posted this statement to Facebook.

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Hines is the granddaughter of Morgan Freeman's first wife, Jeanette Adair Bradshaw. She attended the Golden Globes with her famous grandfather in 2005. She was an actress and also worked with urban youth. Whatever the circumstances of her death, it's awful that she died so young in this manner. Our thoughts are with her family.

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Image via CBSNewYork

"Who needs hair?" That's what a buzz-cropped Jennifer Hudson said when she posted a photo of herself. It's a question a lot of us ask ourselves through the dog days of summer, but how many of us would look this good without our hair?

Hudson showed off her dramatic new look on Instagram and we're feeling inspired by it ... even if we lack the courage and/or cheekbones to pull it off ourselves. Look at those big eyes, those long lashes. Hudson looks beyond cool. Can't help feeling a little bit envious of her, right? 

Hudson is joining all the guys who hack off all that heavy hair in the summer, and it must feel amazing. Not only is she a few degrees cooler now, she's also shaved off time from her morning routine now that she doesn't have to do her hair. That's freedom! 

More from The Stir: Jennifer Hudson Crashes Wedding & Surprises Two Happy Grooms

So why don't more of us do this? Uh, probably because not all of us look this good bald. "Who needs hair when u serving face !" Hudson proudly proclaims. Not you, Jennifer. Definitely not you.

Speaking for myself, though? I need my hair. I'll keep suffering through the rest of summer with this mop. But thanks for the hairspiration.

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All black every thang! Who needs hair, when u serving face !

A photo posted by Jennifer Hudson (@iamjhud) on Aug 14, 2015 at 2:01am PDT

Image via Splash News

A woman was fined for posting a photo of an illegally parked police car on Facebook. The cop car was in a spot reserved for disabled people. She was violating a gag law that makes it illegal to share "unauthorized" images of police officers.

The law is called the Citizens Security Law, and it prohibits "the unauthorized use of images of police officers that might jeopardize their or their family's safety or that of protected facilities or police operations." It also limits posting other things like protests on social media. 

You'll be relieved to know that this is a Spanish law. It doesn't apply here! Not yet, anyway.

The incident occurred in southern Spain. The woman who posted the image captioned it, "Park wherever you bloody well please and you won't even get fined." (You can see the photo local news site Petreraldia.com.) Police say they needed the parking space to respond to a vandalism report. And they justified the fine, equal to nearly $900, saying the woman had harmed their honor. For real.

More from The Stir: Emotional Picture of Police Officer Comforting Toddler After Car Crash Goes Viral

So honor, safety, same thing, right? They're not even trying to pretend there's an actual security risk in posting photos of the police. It's about protecting their "honor." iQue tontería! (What a joke.)

Of course, this is just a silly nuisance compared with the real worry Spaniards have about the gag law. Think of all the images we've seen of protests and civil unrest and police brutality on social media the past few years. These images tell important stories. And cracking down on that kind of sharing seems like a gross violation of people's civil rights. 

Don't think it could happen here? Just last week a federal court struck down a gag law in Idaho prohibiting animal rights activists from filming incidents of abuse. But Kansas, Missouri, Utah, Montana, Wyoming, North Dakota, and North Carolina all still have similar anti-whistleblower laws. Maybe we should be worried.

Image via Ismagilov/Shutterstock

Well, well, well, look who wants to be a star! According to Page Six, ex–Affleck nanny Christine Ouzounian wants to land a reality TV spot. We're shocked, shocked! To hear that's what the former nanny is after. I mean, whaaaat?!? Who saw that coming?

All of us did, of course. A source tells the New York Post, "The word in L.A. is that Christine is looking for an agent and wants a TV deal, on something like The Bachelorette or Dancing with the Stars. She knows she most likely can’t go back to nannying -- who in L.A. would hire her now to take care of their kids? So she's going to use the spotlight to build a showbiz career." 

More from The Stir: Good Thing Ben Affleck's Ex-Nanny Is Enjoying Her 15 Minutes of Fame Now -- Because It's Not Going to Last

The word in L.A. ... you know, it's a sad day when you have to plant sources to specify that you want to land Bachelor or DWTS because no one has tapped you yet, despite your endless parading about town. But you know what they say: Don't ask, don't get. So what does Bachelor Nation think of bringing Ms. Ouzie on as a contestant -- or even as THE Bachelorette? (Butterflies!!!)

Okay, strike one. Well then, what about DWTS? We've all seen them gams.

Ooh, I know! What about Millionaire Matchmaker! Patti, what do you think?

Geez, sorry we suggested it. Why don't we skip the courtship and jump straight to Married at First Sight.

Oh. Well then, Tyra, think Miss O would cut it on America's Next Top Model?

You don't want her, either? Hmm, think we need to start thinking outside the typical ingenue box. Gordon, think this girl can take the heat on Hell's Kitchen?

Never mind. I know, Duck Dynasty! Right? Here me out, guys ...

Wait, wait, wait! I've got it, the perfect reality TV show for Christine Ouzounian. You guys. The solution is so easy.

Right? They should reboot the show just for her! Perfect.

Image via Splash News

How is marriage just like comedy? Well, both can be hilarious. But in her new book, Take My Spouse, Please: How to Keep Your Marriage Happy, Healthy and Thriving by Following the Rules of Comedy, comedienne and actress Dani Klein Modisett shows us so much more.

Here are just some of the comedy rules Modisett says can make your relationship happier, and help you both hang in there for the long haul.

Image via Dmytro Zinkevych/shutterstock

We know who's been romancing Dakota Johnson on-screen. But what about her offscreen love life? Who is the actresses's main squeeze ... or is there more than one? Check out the lucky guys who've dated Dakota Johnson in real life.

What I'm about to show you is the Grossest Thing of Summer 2015. Verily it will ruin your lunch, so readers beware. But we're all talking about it, and we want you to know what you're seeing. Are you ready? Okay. Witness a doctor pulling a maggot our of a woman's lip.

This video entitled "GIRL GETS A HUGE WORM REMOVED FROM HER LIP" (their yelling, not mine) was posted back in March. It has gone viral recently for some reason. I guess we cannot resist a horror show. The poster gives no background information at all, but a perusal of the comments section reveals the creature pulled from the woman's lip is likely the maggot or larva of a botfly.

Do not Google "botfly." I repeat: DO NOT GOOGLE BOTFLY.

Now I'm the one yelling. Anyway, according to Wikipedia a botfly is an insect whose larvae are parasites. The fly lays its eggs on the warm body of a mammal, and upon contact the eggs hatch and larvae emerge. There are different varieties, but the human botfly often chooses humans as its host. And its larvae have special spines it can use to burrow under your skin, where it can grow and become way more disgusting than your worst nightmares.

More from The Stir: Man Reportedly 'Violated' by a Spider in the Most Horrific Way

Here's the fun part! You can't just squeeze the thing out yourself because it'll explode, and its fluids have been known to cause anaphylactic shock. It sounds like a sick plot point in a science fiction movie, but nope. This is the planet we live on.

Instead, you can seal off its breathing hole with petroleum jelly so it suffocates. And then you must see a doctor who can remove it ever so gently with tweezers, as seen here. Keep in mind, infestation on the mouth is extremely rare.

The botfly is native to Central and South America. For now.

I didn't want to watch this video. But darned if I didn't click that red "play" button anyway, and then I was transfixed as the doctor pulled, and pulled, and pulled. I kept thinking he was almost done, but no. He kept going. How long is that thing? You'll have to watch to find out.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Image via CREATISTA/shutterstock

So you think you can tear down Heidi Klum? An older, big-mouthed, toupee-wearing presidential candidate who shall remain nameless (but I think we all know who I'm talking about) interrupted his New York Times interview to say, "Heidi Klum, sadly, she's no longer a 10." Klum's response was brilliant.

Let's step aside the question of what this insult is doing in the interview at all (like a giant steaming pile of horse excrement that's impossible to ignore) and jump to Klum's funny comeback. She could have just ignored the quip, and we would have respected her for that. But this is a woman with a wicked sense of humor. Maybe she also felt responsible for representing womankind and our resilience in the face of misogyny.

Klum posted a video on Twitter where she pretty much laughs it off.

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#TrumpHasSpoken#sadly #9.99 #NoLongerA10#IHadAGoodRun#donaldtrump#HeidiTrumpsTrump#BeautyIsInTheEyeOfTheBeheldpic.twitter.com/dwDmEXNKMR

— Heidi Klum (@heidiklum) August 17, 2015

My favorite part, aside from the carefree shrug and grin -- is #BeautyIsInTheEyeOfTheBeheld.

Klum has long stood out as someone with sincere joie de vivre and an unabashed kind of confidence. She is clearly in love with herself, and that love shows no sign of abating. Some may call it narcissism, but I think it's inspiring. Imagine what that must feel like! So empowering.

More from The Stir: Heidi Klum's No-Makeup Selfie Makes Her Look Immortal

Okay, it's probably not too hard to brim with confidence and joy when you look like Heidi Klum. But plenty of other gorgeous women waste their gifts on perfectionism and dysmorphic disorder. Heidi just seems to grin and say thank you for the legs for days. 

And this video response pretty much says it all. No longer a 10? Really? Eh, depends on who you ask -- and if you ask Heidi, she definitely thinks she's still smokin'. No one's opinion of your hotness should matter to you as much as your own.

Image via  Richie Buxo / Splash News

Seven months after he put a female film executive in a chokehold, actor Emile Hirsch he has been sentenced to jail for a surprisingly short stay. Witnesses say Hirsch dragged Daniele Bernfeld across a table and body-slammed her to the floor while at the Sundance Film Festival. 

Bernfeld described the attack as "insanely painful and absolutely terrifying." In a statement she read in court she said she thought she was going to die.

The maximum for this kind of assault charge is five years in prison. Because Hirsch's lawyers entered a plea bargain, he's getting off with just 15 days behind bars, plus 50 hours of community service and $4,750 in fine. As a bonus, the charges will be dropped from his record after he serves his sentence.

Hirsch's lawyer says the actor "consumed an enormous amount of alcohol on the evening in question and he has no memory of what happened." He entered an alcohol rehab program right after the incident.

More from The Stir: Actor Emile Hirsch Charged With Chokeholding a Woman at a Drunken Party

So. I guess we see what a difference a good lawyer can make, right? Well, that and taking a guilty plea.

Just for a reality check I looked into a couple other recent assault cases to see how typical this is. I believe this is Hirsch's first offense of this sort.

Robert Sims was sentenced to three and a half years of prison for dragging a man from his SUV and beating him up in front of his wife and 2-year-old daughter. He was joined in the assault with some of his fellow motorcycle biker friends. This was the minimum sentence for a charge with a maximum of eight years.

An ex–undercover cop who was involved in the same biker gang attack was sentenced to two years in city jail. He did not actually physically assault the victim, but was accused of breaking the rear window, shattering glass on the mother and toddler, and delivering two roundhouse kicks to the car.

Kristin Noel Forbes was sentenced to four months in jail for assaulting a deputy. She had been arrested on a public intoxication charge when she kicked out the back door window of the cop car and assaulted the deputy when he tried to restrain her. 

Every assault case is different, of course. So it's kind of apples to oranges. But it also makes you wonder if Hirsch got some extra leniency because he's a celeb. At any rate, I hope he makes good use of this huge break, gets sober, and never does anything like this ever again.

Image via Splash News

A young couple woke in the middle of the night to discover a naked man sleeping in their bed with them -- and no, they did not know this man. And no, they had not been partying earlier that evening. He was a compete stranger. A naked one. In their bed.

The shaken Maroubra, Australia, residents told the Daily Telegraph they woke up around 1:45 a.m. after sensing some extra warmth. "Chris is on one side, I’m in the middle, and then our stranger on the end right in with us," Katie recalled. "So just the sense of someone next to me who shouldn’t be there ..." She said it was terrifying. 

That is how she felt. But also, don't you think a part of her was like, AAAAAAGGHHH -- wait, wut??

The nudist was just 25 years old so depending on his looks she may have had a split second of ...

But no -- a stranger in your bed is way creepy, no matter what. More likely she was utterly disgusted.

Not to mention Chris. Another dude in your bed? How do we feel about this?

Followed by this ...

GET HIM!!!!

More from The Stir: 'Naked Man Falls Out of Buckingham Palace Window,' But the Royals Are Staying Mum

The couple woke the man, who gathered his clothes and retreated to another part of the apartment while they called the police. Chris chased the guy into the courtyard where the stranger climbed back into the house through a kitchen window. He was transported to a local hospital where he received treatment for "possible drug-related health issues." You don't say. 

Neighbor Sally Ferguson woke from the commotion. "When the ambulance stretcher came down they then got him out of the van starkers as, charming, and that was it," she told the Daily Telegraph. "We just saw him get taken away. And then it was time to go back to bed."

Exactly. What else can one do? We're just glad no one was hurt.

Image via altafulla/shutterstock

The summer of celeb breakups rolls on. Today Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green announced they are separating after 11 years together. "Megan has separated from Brian," an insider told Us magazine, in case you were wondering who initiated it. "They decided on it six months ago."

Sources say the couple split over Fox's busy career. Supposedly Green wanted her to stay home with him and their children more often.

Fox and Green met when he guest starred on her TV show, Hope & Faith, in 2004. She was just 18. They were engaged in 2006 and then Fox called it off in 2009 saying "marriage isn't a realistic goal for someone who is 23." Undeterred, the ever-persistent Green proposed again in June 2010 and they married less than a month after that.

More from The Stir: Megan Fox Talks Choosing Motherhood Over Hollywood

Poor Brian! Poor, poor Brian. You really tried to hold on to her, didn't you? But Megan is a free bird, and this bird you cannot change.

Oh well ... meanwhile, men around the world are like:

This is currently the scene outside Fox's home.

GUYS. Form an orderly line!

Just because Megan's single now doesn't mean you actually have a shot with her.

Make sure you understand and are prepared to support Megan's priorities.

I mean her acting career, of course! Oh all right, also that.

You're going to need some good moves.

Hope you're working out. 

But remember, that's not what Megan's all about. Be ready to show her your sensitive side.

Make sure you're great with kids.

Be sophisticated ...

But not stuffy.

Definitely have your own things going on -- career, hobbies -- because this girl is not going to be all about you.

Now go and romance the hell out of Megan.

One more thing --

Image via All Access Photo/Splash News

It's finally happened. After threatening for weeks to expose stolen data, hackers calling themselves The Impact Team have released what they claim to be personal and financial information on Ashley Madison.com's estimated 32 million users.

A month ago The Impact Team demanded that Avid Media take down its websites, AshleyMadison.com and EstablishedMen.com. They claimed they had hacked the websites and stolen information on the users -- and they said they would release this data if their demands were not met. 

More from The Stir: Online Dating Site Hacked & 37 Million Cheaters Are About to Be Exposed

Tuesday night they released the data with this statement:

Avid Life Media has failed to take down Ashley Madison and Established Men. We have explained the fraud, deceit, and stupidity of ALM and their members. Now everyone gets to see their data. ... Keep in mind the site is a scam with thousands of fake female profiles. See ashley madison fake profile lawsuit; 90-95% of actual users are male. Chances are your man signed up on the world’s biggest affair site, but never had one. He just tried to. If that distinction matters.

Here's everything we know about the AshleyMadison.com leak so far.

1. The Impact Team's "data dump" is not easy to search. The Impact Team downloaded the data on the dark web using an address only people using a Tor browser can access. It's said to include seven years' worth of credit card transactions, user names and mailing addresses, email addresses, phone numbers, and some profile information. Only the last four digits of users' credit cards were released.

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Local husbands driving to work this morning after hearing about the #ashleymadisonhackpic.twitter.com/dFti1bHRNy

— Joe (@jcorrado19) August 19, 2015

2. But a lot of unrelated tech-savvy people are making that data searchable. 4Chan users and Redditors among others are using the data to create searchable websites like AshleyMadisonLeaked.com, which reveals users' relationship status ("attached male seeking female") and the sexual fantasies the user is open to ("open to experimentation").

Are you tempted to search for your husband's email now?

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"Honey, not only do I trust you, I'm also way too lazy to look through 37 million names to see if I can find yours." #ashleymadisonhack

— K.P. Anderson (@ikpanderson) August 19, 2015

3. Experts say the info is legit. Avid Media is trying to convince the public that the leaked information is probably bogus. But experts disagree. Huffington Post spoke with security specialists and developers who believe the leaked Ashley Madison data is real. And web security blogger Brian Krebs says he spoke with three anonymous users who say they found their info in the dump. I'm sure he is not one of those users ...

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I mean, karma. #AshleyMadisonHackpic.twitter.com/FdmAUmeW2b

— J.C. Hannigan (@jcahannigan) August 19, 2015

4. Looks like Tony Blair is a member. He's probably not. But someone used his work email address to create an account. AshleyMadison.com does not verify email addresses.

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Here are all the email addresses from the #AshleyMadisonHack: RobinThicke@aol.com RobinThicke@gmail.com RobinThicke@hotmail.com (cont.)

— Eli Braden (@EliBraden) August 19, 2015

5. Users appear to include people in the military and in government. Hackers dug up at least 15,000 email addresses ending in .gov or .mil. Using your work email for an infidelity site? Really, guys?

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Every cheating politician rn #ashleymadisonhackpic.twitter.com/jcYYpbNSIg

— Lisa Vikingstad (@LisaVikingstad) August 19, 2015

6. The leak includes quotes from people's profiles. "I’m looking for someone who isn’t happy at home or just bored and looking for some excitement," Wire magazine reports one Canada-based user profile says.

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Hey, been exposed as a cheat by the #ashleymadisonhack? Look on the bright side - you'll soon be single and free to hook up with anyone

— Mike Fredman (@michaelfredman) August 19, 2015

7. The hackers also released data from another Avid Media website, EstablishedMen.com. This site is for rich sugar-daddy types looking for beautiful younger women to indulge. Interestingly, Impact Team left another Avid Media site, CougarLife.com, untouched. 

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To heck with the #ashleymadisonhack. I'm worried they'll hack into Pinterest and everyone will find out about my clandestine yarn art.

— Ed Kaz! (@EdKaz) August 19, 2015

Incidentally, did you know today Bill Clinton's birthday? We're sure that's just a coincidence, as is today's news that the FDA approved the new "female Viagra" medication. What a wacky Wednesday! Okay, we'll let you go search for your man's email address now. Kidding, just kidding!

Image via Dirima/shutterstock

Two hours after she called 911 to report her baby wasn't breathing, a mother confessed to killing her three sons. Brittany Pilkington says she committed the murders because her husband ignored their daughter. But that's not even the strangest part of this story.

Bellefontaine, Ohio, police chief Brandon K. Standley said in a statement, "The tragic deaths of Niall, Gavin, and Noah leave a pit in our stomachs today. Our condolences go out to the remaining family members who have supported this family through a very difficult 13 months."

The Pilkingtons were under investigation following the death of their 3-month-old baby Niall in July 2014, and the death of 4-year-old Gavin in April. Police say father Joseph Pilkington came home from work to find an unresponsive child in both cases.

More from The Stir: Judge Says He Wasn't Told of the 'Danger' That Lead to the Murder of 6 Kids

The couple's other two children, newborn Noah and 3-year-old daughter Hailey, had been with child services since Gavin's death. But they were returned to the Pilkingtons just a month ago.

And then 3-month-old Noah died.

Brittany Pilkington's uncle Joe Skaggs is baffled as to why authorities handed the children back to their parents. "Why would you give them back after a little boy just died and when you're in the middle of an investigation?"

We're wondering the same. Wouldn't it make sense to return the children after you've concluded the investigation of TWO unexplained deaths that occurred within months of each other? Prosecutor William Goslee says a coroner had ruled neither of the children's deaths suspicious, though.

In her confession Brittany says she smothered each child to death with a blanket. 

Goslee says, "In her mind, she was protecting her daughter from being not as loved as the boys were by their father." Obviously that's no reason to kill your other children! That said, it makes you wonder if Brittany was harboring unhealed wounds from her own childhood. Did she feel unloved compared with her own brothers?

Again, it certainly doesn't justify murdering your babies. Clearly something more severe is wrong with Ms. Pilkington -- and now three children are dead and her daughter will most likely grow up without her mother.

Image via Logan County Jail

This was the last thing mother-of-two Jenny Kavanagh was expecting when doctors removed a tumor from her ovary. She was afraid it was cancer. But surprise! Kavanagh's tumor turned out to be her unborn "evil" twin, which had been growing inside of her all this time.

Well, doctors aren't positive that the mass was Kavanagh's twin, but it seems likely. "The fact that it had long black hair, just like mine, a face, with one eye and one baby tooth makes it more believable," she told the Mirror. Her doctor told her there could have been two embryos inside her mother, with the stronger one overtaking the weaker.

Kavanagh says when she saw the mass she felt "shocked, very scared, horrified and it felt like an alien was inside me." It made her mom sad. She saw it as an unborn child at first.

Kavanagh felt the same way. "But I try not to feel sad about it," she says. "I try to remember that it had no heart and no brain and that it would have almost certainly killed me if they hadn't found it and removed it."

More from The Stir: Woman's Brain Tumor Turns Out to Be Her Long-Lost Twin

This happens from time to time -- doctors find what could be the beginning of a twin inside a person's body. In some cases limbs or organs of a vestigial twin grow on or inside its sibling's body. And then of course there's conjoined twins.

For people like Kavanagh it could make you wonder about how different your life would be if that twin had developed completely. What would it be like to grow up with a twin? You almost found out.

For people like Kavanagh's mom it could be almost like a miscarriage, but without the pain or disappointment. You almost had another child in your life, but something happened.

And it makes the rest of us ponder that impossible question, when does life begin? Sure, there are many who are sure of the answer. But many others of us are not so sure. It seems like there must be an intermediary space that is not quite life, but is more than a collection of cells, and this could be evidence of that.

Image via MarsBars/iStock