Attention: There's a hot new sex trend on the rise. It's what we're all doing now, and we're going to tell you how so you can do it, too. You really do not want to be left out of this one. Wait, why do we get the feeling you're not taking this at all seriously? You need to hear about this!
We're talking about the finger blow job. Repeat: Finger. Blow. Job.
So a finger blow job is when you perform all the usual blow job moves, but on his finger instead of his penis. It's one of those old-school Cosmo moves:
Bring his hand to your mouth and flick your tongue from left to right against his palm. Then suck each finger, softly scraping his fingertips with your teeth. He'll get a taste for just how clever your tongue is.
Will he indeed?!? That's a good thing, because if there's anything I crave it's for my man to mistake my tongue for a Mensa member. Now, who's ready to try this move out?
Okay, even Cosmo blogger Jill Hamilton thinks it's a little bit corny. But she gave it a try anyway and actually enjoyed it. "The finger tip is excellent, but it works best if the urge to suck rises organically and you do it with the proper amount of lustful debauchery. Then, my friend, it's golden."
What's golden for Cosmo must be at least brass or nickel finish for your typical mom, right? Unless of course you're gripped with a series of distracting thoughts:
1. When was the last time my DH washed his hands?
2. He just changed a diaper, I'm pretty sure.
3. Great, this is the ONE time I wish he'd pretended not to notice that diaper was full.
4. He's not making any sounds. Does that mean he's into it or that he's trying hard not to laugh?
5. How long do I do this, anyway?!? It's not like there's an obvious sign that he's done, like with the other kind. You know?
6. Is this going to make him want a real blow job?
7. Or does this replace it?
8. Oh my God, does he ever cut his fingernails? I'm going to lacerate my tongue here.
9. I don't think my tongue is all that clever.
10. A-a-a-and that's a wrap. Hope he got something out of that. What's that -- he wants me to keep going?!? Oh geez ...
Hey, it's better than this tip:
Graze the crease behind his knee with your knuckles, moving in a back-and-forth motion. Make sure he's lying down — mind-blowing bliss may cause his legs to give out.
Or maybe he'll flick your hand away and say, "Is there a fly in here or something?!?" Either way, you've definitely made him feel ... something. Thanks, Cosmo!
Will you give finger blow jobs a try, or does your tongue lack the cognitive aaptitude? (If so, we're so sorry.)
Image © Robert Kneschke/Shutterstock