Feeling stressed out and overwhelmed? You must care too much. That's what New York Post column Kyle Smith says: "Stressed-out moms frazzled to exhaustion by the pursuit of parental perfection" should justbe more like the dads, who "don't give a s--t." According to Smith and blogger Karol Markowicz, we're wearing ourselves out trying to keep up with the judgy, perfectionist moms on Facebook and Instagram. But I'm gonna level with you about this rumored "Mean Mom Mafia."
It doesn't exist. Online or in real life. When it comes right down to it, ultimately other moms don't give a s--t how you parent.
Now I know what you're thinking. There was that time you accidentally posted a photo of your baby drinking from a bottle and Lisa commented, "Weaned already? She's only 2 months old!" and Jane scolded, "Bottle feeding leads to nipple confusion!" But you ignored them. And guess what? You, Lisa, and Jane are still friends. You just tune them out whenever they go on their lactivist rants. That's what friends do!
As for all those Instagram photos of "perfect" motherhood crap we should all be doing? We're not fooled. We know we're all posting our best moments. Because OMG, you guys, look at this cool thing I managed to pull off this ONE TIME!!! I think we all know that our non-Instagrammed default mode looks completely different.
The truth is we're all too busy trying to survive the day to give a rat's ass what other moms are doing, unless of course someone has some brilliant solution for making something (ANYTHING) easier. In which case, please share. Seriously, help me out here.
Maybe you're worried that I disapprove of the lunch you packed, or the fact that you're late for the bus again, or that you're picking up your kids at 3 in the afternoon still wearing your pajamas. But the real reason I'm frowning like that is because I couldn't find a single damn pair of clean underwear that didn't have holes in it, and when the hell am I going to find the time to buy new underwear? And I have a PMS headache. And my son got up late and whined all the way to school today.
Supposedly we're not just obsessed with the opinions of the moms in our own circles. We're also obsessed with celeb moms like Gwyneth Paltrow. And it's true that I would love to have "corrugated-titanium abs, a sustainable fair-trade calorie-free diet, and adorable globally conscious neo-hippie children." Who wouldn't?!? (Especially the abs.)
But not because of Gwyneth Paltrow. I'm not an idiot. I don't go around comparing myself to someone with millions and millions of dollars at her disposal. Sure her lifestyle blog is influential. But at the end of the day, trust me: We, too, consider her that "rich chick who once briefly livened up a dull Shakespeare comedy with a moment of toplessness."
Now, can we please get back to reality? It's actually not at all a secret, Mr. Smith, that we "do f---ing care" about parenting. It happens to be something a lot of us are passionate about (including many dads!). And because we're passionate, we talk a lot about it. And we share ideas. It's just a handful of weirdos who actively scold and shame other moms. We pity them.
The high standards we supposedly hold each other to are greatly exaggerated. We're stressed out because life itself is challenging, and there's nothing new about that. Mostly we disapprove of outright child abuse and neglect. Like, try not to let anyone actually DIE on your watch. Anything beyond that is just cake. Organic, sugar-free cake. Kidding!
Seriously, though. I'm not striving to be the perfect mom. I'm just a woman, who happens to be a mom, trying to create a satisfying life with the people I love. It's an utterly human thing to do. And I don't f---ing care how anyone else does it.
Do you feel judged by other moms and held up to impossibly high standards, or do you think that's all hype?
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