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Smile a lot. Touch his arm. Compliment him. Mirror his physical movements. Twirl your hair. We've all heard these flirting tips before, and they're all actually pretty effective (yeah, even that dumb hair-twirling trick). But what if you hate flirting -- that way? What if you think it's intimidating, or just "not you," but you still want to attract that cute guy?
Do it anyway -- but your way. At its essence, it's just about connecting to someone you're attracted to in a way that shows them you're really, really interested. And what's wrong with that? Here's a few ways to flirt that won't make you feel like a faker.
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1. Make eye contact -- and hold it. Forget that rule about making eye contact for five seconds and then looking away. "No, you don't look away. You continue to stare," says an anonymous dating maven in a Psychology Today. "Gaze deep into their eyes. It doesn't even matter if you're paying attention to what they're saying." Holding eye contact for longer than a few seconds "makes the other person feel like you're really listening and being attentive. It's a very intimate thing."
2. Play with yourself. Still feel like that hair twirling trick makes you look like a ditz? You can grab his attention by touching yourself a myriad of different ways. Just make sure your hand goes more or less where you want his to ... eventually. Stroke your thigh, slowly. Rub your hands up and down your arms. Run your fingers over your collar bone. Want to take it up a notch? Here's a tip from Cosmo: Conspicuously adjust a sexy article of clothing. "Step off the dance floor and quickly adjust one of your thigh-high stockings."
3. Channel another sexy woman you admire.How would Beyonce flirt? How would Jessica Simpson flirt? "When you're first learning the skills, think of a character that might flirt really well and take on some of those qualities," says dating and relationship expert Dr. Sheri Meyers.
4. Practice flirting. You practice so many other things -- why not rehearse your flirting skills before using them in real life? Try it with a good friend who will give you honest and useful feedback.
5. Complain about something together. Use this one with caution as you don't want to come across as a generally negative person. But if you find yourself stuck at a boring function, or waiting in line, find a humorous way to commiserate together. Make jokes about whatever you're suffering through. This will help you feel like you're on the same team -- it's bonding.
6. Tease him. Gently! Light teasing shows you're playful and that you're paying attention to him.
7. Notice when he's flirting with you. Part of flirting is listening closely and paying attention to the cues he's sending. So try and pick up on the signs that he's trying to flirt with you. Did you know that when men talk to women they find attractive, their voices get deeper and more sing-songy? (Meaning the pitch of their voice goes up and down more.) It's all part of the fun dance.
8. Keep flirting even after you've won his heart. Keep the romance alive -- there's no reason to stop once you're a couple. One of the key ingredients to a happy relationship is a playful, flirtatious attitude. Never stop.
More from The Stir: 8 Flirting Mistakes You Don't Want to Make
Also, don't do this:
See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.
Have you ever tried these flirting techniques?
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