Quantcast
Channel: The Stir By CafeMom: Blogger Adriana Velez
Viewing all 4100 articles
Browse latest View live

A Super-Simple St. Patrick’s Day Dinner Menu

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

st patricks day pie

How will your family celebrate St. Patrick's Day? Hopefully by wearing green -- and enjoying a fun dinner. Make it easier on yourself with this super-simple St. Patrick's Day menu. It's a lucky family who gets to dig into this Crock-Pot Irish beef stew and grasshopper pie.

What are your family's favorite St. Patrick's Day dishes?

 

Image via Arina P Habich/Shutterstock

 

 

 

 


10 Daily Habits That Are Ruining Your Figure

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

woman weight gain

A lot of little things have a way of adding up, and that's especially true when it comes to maintaining your weight. I should know -- I've let tiny unhealthy habits sneak into my daily life only to wake up one day and wonder, "Hey, where did this extra inch around my waist come from?"

It's rarely a mystery! No rare, stealth, weight-gaining disease. Nope, it's just the accumulation of careless daily habits that can mess with your figure. 

How many of these habits have you been doing? 

 

Image via Maridav/Shutterstock

A Magic Pill Can't Boost Your Sex Drive But These 4 Things Can

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

frustrated couple in bed

Feel like your libido could use a kick in the butt? Well, a new drug called flibanserin has been created to treat low sex drive in women. It's awaiting approval from the FDA. But should we even be trying to "fix" low sex drive with a drug? I don't think so.

Sex educator and author of Come as You Are: The Surprising Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, Emily Nagoski, says the biggest problem with the drug is that it's trying to treat something that isn't a disease.

So if we can stop acting like there's something wrong with women who feel like they have a low sex drive, what else can we do? Nagoski has a few suggestions.

1. Get physical first, then feel desire. In a recent op ed piece, Nagoski pointed out that psychiatrists are changing the way they think about women's sex drive. They used to assume everyone felt desire first, then arousal. And if you weren't experiencing that desire spontaneously, something was wrong with you.

But it turns out that many women (and some men, too) feel desire only after they're sexually aroused. In other words, you may not be in the mood for sex until you get in bed and start doing some foreplay. Your partner helps you get into the mood through physical stimulation.

2. Create distance. What is desire, anyway? Nagoski suggests its when you want something you do not have. "If that object of desire is lying in bed with you every night, of course, that craving isn't there."

So to build desire, you need to build barriers. If you're having sex fairly often but you're not into it, try having sex less often and letting sexual tension build -- for you. 

3. Stop worrying about wanting sex and just enjoy the sex you have. Nagoski's favorite solution, though, throws out the idea that desire is even important for a happy sex life. "Shift your focus from wanting sex, from desire, to actually feeling pleasure when you have sex."

It's like the difference between being hungry versus sharing a delicious meal with someone you love.

So when you have your date night, you get the kids out of the house, turn off the phone, and "allow pleasure to happen without an agenda," Nagoski says. That means you're enjoying the sensual experience without feeling like you have to have an orgasm, or he does, or you have to have one together, or anything like that.

4. Ask yourself, what kind of sex is worth having? What makes sex worth the effort? Nagoski says if you don't usually like the sex you've been having, change the menu. Talk with your partner about what would make YOU feel pleasure, and what would make you feel closer to him.

"It would be so easy if there were a magic pill that could make you spontaneously feel desire," Nagoski says. But that's not the only way to experience sex. "There are so many other ways to have fun." 

Do you ever spend time thinking about what pleasurable sex would be or feel like for you?

 

Image via Photographee.eu/Shutterstock 

Give Your Man a 'Supergasm' He'll Never Forget

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

terrified man

Ladies: Want to give your man the ultimate orgasm? A SUPERGASM? Well, let me introduce you to the ancient art of pompoir. It puts you in control and turns him into your plaything. Are you ready? Prepare to blow his mind.

We've been reading about pompoir, also known as the "Singapore kiss" and wow, does it sound amazing! Basically you stradle over your man and use your vaginal and pubococcygeous muscles to stimulate him. You're doing Kegels while having intercourse -- but it's so much more than that!

Denise Costa, author of Pompoir: The Ultimate Guide to Pelvic Fitness tells Alternet there are different "abilities" associated with pompoir. "The pull ability allows women to 'suck the penis' into the vagina ..." How does that sound, guys?

horrified man

"... the expell ability similarly allows them to push it out."

horrified jimmy stewart

"It's reported to be an amazing sensation," Costa says.

The technique also involves "squeezing, pushing, and pulling" the penis. "That's where they learn the sexual skills to the point where they can twist the penis just by moving their pelvic muscles." 

horrified man

"Then there's the lock ability, where females clench down on the penis to hold it in place."

donald glover scared

"There’s the gripping ability, the pulse ability, the squeeze ability, the twist ability, which all more or less entail what their names suggest."

horrified colbert

"Perhaps the most intriguing is the extrude ability, which Costa likened to 'milking' the penis."

horrified man

Wow, right? Now don't expect to perform pompoir perfectly the first time. This is an advanced set of techniques that require you to workout your muscles, just like going to the gym. 

Costa recommends practicing for an hour a day.

whoopie kitty you in danger

Okay, but wait. Wait wait wait wait wait! Don't let's throw out the baby with the bathwater here! Few of us can dedicate a whole hour every day to vag-strengthening workouts. However, this article does make a good point that Kegels shouldn't just be about your health.

It actually is fun -- for both of you -- to try contracting and releasing your vaginal muscles during sex. Most guys will feel it and appreciate it! And you can do your Kegel "workouts" just about any time, anywhere. No one can see or tell what you're up to.

Maybe I'll have time to fully explore the ancient art of pompoir when I'm retired and my son is grown and out of the house. But in the meantime, I say pompoir lite™ is well worth trying.

Do you already do some form of pompoir when you have sex? Have you ever tried this?

 

Image © misfire_asia/Shutterstock

Beyonce Wears the Perfect Spring Pumps We Must Have (PHOTO)

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

gianvito rossi honeycomb pumps

It's officially spring, according to Beyoncé and her honeycomb shoes. Did you see her Instagram over the weekend? She had her feet propped up in front of a window just so the light could filter through these perfect spring pumps.

We want these shoes!

[code]

��

A photo posted by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on

[/code]

But we can't have them. Why? Because the $900 Gianvito Rossi Honeycomb Point-Toe Pump is sold out at Neiman Marcus and Bergdorf Goodman, that's why. You can get a $920 suede and diamond-shape version, though. But whatever, it doesn't matter. The suede pumps aren't as cool because Beyonce did not wear them. And also, who has $920 to spend on shoes? And also, this is just Beyoncé showing off her fabulously unattainable life again.

I mean, the point is not to aspire to her life. The point is to envy it because it's so ridiculously out of reach.

It's kind of like her song, "Check On It" where she sings, "You can look at it, as long as you don't grab it." Only unlike the guy at the the club in the song, if we like what we see, it doesn't matter because no one is going to let us have those shoes. THEY ARE NOT FOR SALE.

Boo.

But I'm thinking, surely it's just a matter of time before someone designs a knockoff. I'm looking at you, Aldo! You have until the end of April.

What do you think of these shoes?

 

Image via Neiman Marcus

5 Ways Google Flights Can Make Planning Your Family Vacation Easier

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

family airport

Welp, Google just found yet another perfect solution to your life. If you like how convenient searching for cheap flights on sites like Kayak and Expedia has gotten, you'll love all the extras you get from Google Flights.

1. Compare ticket prices for different days. You know ticket prices can fluctuate from one day to the next -- and technically you can compare those prices if you re-do your search over and over again. Well, Google Flight makes that a whole lot easier by showing you a calendar with changes in pricing.

google flight calendar

And check out the bar graph at the bottom of the calendar, which shows you how the price fluctuates over a two-month period. Good to know.

2. Find the best value for the price. Google will highlight the "best flights" by combining price with speed. But you'll also be able to tell how much you can save by choosing a layover versus a nonstop flight. Their top pick for you is in green.

google flight best

3. Get tips on saving more. Google will suggest options that can save you even more on your flight, if you're flexible on things like dates, times, and airports.

google flight tip

 

4. Let Google select a destination. Say you've got a window -- your kids' spring break -- but you're open to any destination. Enter your dates, click on the map, and Google will find a deal for you, based on your search history and what's popular. It can also do the reverse, find best dates based on a given destination.

google flight feeling lucky

And notice how Google shows you prices for other destinations for the same dates on the map as well.

More From The Stir: 10 Hilarious Summer Vacation Fails That Made Us Laugh Until Fall

5. Track flights. If you find a flight that looks promising, but you aren't ready to buy yet, you can click the "save this itinerary" button. Then the Google Now app will track the price of that flight, and can let you know if the price drops significantly.

google flight track

Oh, and Google wouldn't be Google if they didn't also recommend hotels for your flights!

So there you go -- yet another way that Google is taking over your life in their mission for world domination making your life easier, helping you plan your next family vacation.

What's something else that would help you plan vacations?

 

Image via Andresr/Shutterstock

Newly Discovered ‘Perfect’ Bedtime Is a Joke for Most of Us

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

woman in bed

Daylight savings robbed you of an hour this weekend? All the more reason to hit the hay earlier tonight. And there's another -- wellness expert Shawn Stevenson has discovered the perfect bedtime, the magical window for the ultimate beauty sleep. And well ... it's hopelessly unrealistic.

According to Stevenson, your ideal bedtime is 10:00 p.m. -- with a wake-up time of 6:00 a.m.

I've got the wake-up time down most mornings. But that 10:00 bedtime? THAT IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA! I should try it sometime. Just as soon as I have an empty nest and servants.

liz lemon i want to go to there gif

In fact, I attempt to go to sleep at 10:00 p.m. every single evening. Most nights it's Mission Impossible. Let's count the many reasons why.

First there's my job. Once I finally manage to tear myself away from the last post of the day ...

liz lemon gif

There is my 45-minute to an hour-long commute home with these people.

pregnant kitty kat liz lemon

So I can come home and greet MY people.

liz lemon gif

I like to get ALL OF US into our pajamas as soon as possible.

liz lemon pajamas

There's the daily emotional outburst to deal with.

liz lemon conforting

Before I prepare a meal for my family.

liz lemon gif

More from The Stir: What Sleep Looks Like When You're a Mom

And then I need to pick up the place. Not a lot, just enough so that I function the next day.

liz lemon cleaning gif

Now time for goodnight kisses and lights out. No really, now. NOW. I mean it, GO TO BED!

liz lemon gif

Of course, it's not over once I make it into bed.

liz lemon gif

But hey, 10:00 bedtime? I will see you someday. Oh yes. I will make you happen. One. Day.

liz lemon

What time do you usually make it to bed?

 

Image via Marcos Mesa Sam Wordley/Shutterstock

 

7 Yummy Make-Ahead Dishes That Let You Party, Too

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

party food

When I first started hosting parties, I made one big mistake: I did loads of cooking in the kitchen and hardly any visiting. No fun! I've since learned that the best way to host is to make all of the food ahead of time. Then set everything out at once and enjoy with all your guests.

So here's a fun party menu with recipes that will let you party along with your guests. Use all or just some of the recipes, depending on how many people you're expecting.

What's your favorite party food?

 

Image via tradville/Shutterstock


Waiter Uses Craigslist Ad to Shame Women Who Skipped Out on Bar Tab

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

bar tab

A waiter is reaching out to two attractive young women via the Craigslist "Missed Connections" listing -- for drinking and dashing! His ad is sweet and flirtatious but his intentions are serious. Girlfriends need to pay up, ASAP!

Bartender Stephen O'Laughlin describes the encounter in detail in his ad, "ISO 2 SWF Who Walked Out on Tab After Class on Wednesday." Apparently the women were blond and "gorgeous," were in the company of three other men, and were all "very nice." He included a photo of the empty glasses.

craigslist drink and dash

"My hunch is that you figured the guys had bought your drinks (and why not?!?!) or simply you had too much to drink," O'Laughlin suggests. Actually, that's probably exactly what happened. The pretty women are probably so accustomed to men buying their drinks that it doesn't even occur to them to check just to make sure. 

But even if you're a gorgeous blonde whose drinks are usually paid for by men, you are still moving about in a world of other human beings. So it's your responsibility to make sure your bills get paid. Be beautiful on the inside, too.

More from The Stir: You Won't Believe Who Pays When You Dine & Dash

Anyway, the bill came up to less than seven dollars but it's the principle, O'Laughlin told WDAF. "There are so many waiters and bartenders in the world. It happens to so many people at some point, and I feel like it's a story a lot of waiters can relate to."

Yup, A LOT! The ad has gone viral, and if the girls haven't heard about it by now they really must be drinking too much. I can imagine they may be too embarrassed to own up to their mistake in person. But you know what? There's always the option to put the seven bucks (plus tip) in an envelope and mail it to the bar with a nice written apology. Just saying.

Do you think other people who saw this ad will think twice about assuming someone paid for their bill in the future?

 

Images via MaxyM/Shutterstock, Craigslist

Lose Weight by Loving Everyone and Everything You Can Right Now

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

woman hugging tree

You've gotta love oxytocin -- A.K.A. the "love drug." Whether you're falling in love with our spouse or your baby, it fills you with a wonderful sense of well being. And! We've just discovered another benefit: Apparently oxytocin can help control your appetite.

In an experiment, men given a nasal spray containing oxytocin before breakfast ate 122 fewer calories and 9 grams less fat than men given a placebo. They also used more of their body fat as fuel. Researchers aren't sure how it works, exactly. The oxytocin-enhanced men didn't report a noticeable loss of appetite.

It's food for thought, though. While pharmaceutical companies rush to get oxytocin nasal sprays on store shelves, would it be so bad if we found ways to give ourselves natural doses of the stuff? I think we could be pretty creative about it. Here's a few suggestions.

What do you like to do to give yourself an oxytocin boost?

 

Image via William Goldswain/Shutterstock

The Painful Process of Trying to Reason With a FOX News Believer (GIFs)

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

crazy womanOh my America, I fear for you sometimes. I'm especially troubled to know that FOX News is still the most trusted network, according to the latest poll. A whole 29 percent of you trust FOX, while only 22 percent of you trust CNN. Please you guys, help me understand why!

I just want FOX viewers to understand what it's like trying to have a logical conversation with them. It always starts off pleasantly enough.

"Hi Suzanne, great to see you!"

"Julie, haven't seen you in ages. You look great!"

hugs

But then, someone says something FOXy.

"You've been working out! Unlike that fatty, Michelle Obama. Can you believe she has the nerve to tell our kids to 'Let's Move'?!?"

shocked glee

"Wait, what? The First Lady is in amazing shape. Have you seen her arms?"

"Whatever. I never noticed until Keith Ablow mentioned on Outnumbered that she needs to drop a few. The Obamas are such hypocrites!"

shock glee

"She ... she works out. A LOT. She could run circles around both of us, then pick us up and throw us across the room. Also, who is Keith Ablow and what is Outnumbered?"

"You know, on FOX News?"

shocked mark wahlberg

"Oh my God. You watch FOX News. I had no idea. You always seemed so nice."

eye roll

"Oh please. You've been brainwashed by the liberal media. That's why the show is called Outnumbered." 

big sad eyes

"But FOX News lies. About everything!"

[code][/code]

 eye roll

"FOX tells America the truth it needs to hear!" 

ew

"That if any race should not feel guilty about slavery, it's Caucasians?"

"Who said that?!?"

"Rush Limbaugh. On FOX."

"Oh well, maybe he's right."

head exploding

"WHO ARE YOU EVEN??"

crazy

"GUH! I don't agree with everything Rush Limbagh says. Anyway, I like Megyn Kelly a lot and she's SO liberal so FOX is totally fair and balanced and so am I."

are you kidding me

"Okay! Well. Great seeing you as always. Um, I learned a lot! About you."

crazy

"Yeah, likewise. M'kay, see ya around!"

And from then on out, you can't even look each other in the eye.

Do you ever get into arguments about FOX News, or do you try to avoid the subject?

 

Image via Path Doc/Shutterstock

Finally, the Foreplay Coach Your Man Needs

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

couple kissing

Foreplay is essential for arousal, especially for women. Heck, for a lot of ladies, it's THE way to climax. But it tends to get upstaged by the main event, if not skipped altogether by the unskilled. So it's about time someone invented a foreplay coach.

Introducing Blindfold, "your digital foreplay assistant." It's exactly what it sounds like -- Siri for sex, as they put it, an auditory guide through the wonderful world of foreplay.

So here's how it works. You subscribe for $9 a month and download the app. Start one of the 20-minute episodes, and a honey-voiced "Angelina" talks your man through your moves in real time so he knows what to do and how slowly to do it.

More from The Stir: The Real Reason Foreplay Is Better Than Sex

Yes, men do most of the work in Blindfold Land. One of the guiding principles is, "the female body is more sensitive to touch, and men are usually more visual." So Angelina bosses around your man while you get to lie back, look lovely, and enjoy the ride. And hey, there's a new "episode" every month.

This may be a stretch for some couples, but check out the testimonial by "Jess."

My husband's idea of getting things started is to lie on the bed naked and wait for me to walk in on him. Which, um, no. If I had an off switch, that'd flip it. He knows I like candles, music, dim lights, but he never bothers with it. This audio stopped that shit cold. I came out of the bath to all of that.

Having a totally sexy sounding woman directing his every move allowed me to relax and just enjoy everything for a change but allowed him to be controlled to an extent as well. It also made him focus on getting me turned on without feeling like I was telling him what to do. Which he likes, but shit, it gets old for me to always have to be Spielberg!

That last bit raises a good point. Guys want to know what you like, but it's not always fun to direct them so explicitly. 

When Salon writer Tracy Clark-Flory and her husband tried out Blindfold "so you don't have to," her husband was directed to caress here, kiss that, stop and take some deep breaths for a bit, take a nice long look, get back to stroking ... and then 20 minutes later, Angelina invited them to continue without her.

There was a lot of giggling in the Clark-Flory bedroom, and they felt like "the focus of an alien-directed human mating experiment." But they also enjoyed it more than she thought they would. She points out an overlooked perk: You can always blame any bad moves on Angelina. Less pressure to perform, guys!

Blindfold sounds a bit like sexual training wheels. (But maybe don't put it that way to your man.) Hopefully over time you'll develop a repertoire of moves, and guys in particular will get better at "reading" their partners so they can tell what works and what doesn't.

And this is probably just the beginning -- other companies might try the same idea in different ways. Angelina may not be everyone's cup of red wine. There are other voices, other approaches to foreplay. But even if Blindfold isn't perfect, and isn't for everyone, I think it's exciting that there's a tool to help people do right by foreplay.

Are you curious -- would you try Blindfold? Would your man be willing to try it?

 

Image via Yeko Photo Studio/Shutterstock

Heart-Tugging Moment a Soldier Reunites With a Love Letter He Wrote 70 Years Ago

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

love letterA love letter has come full circle, returning to the writer after 70 years and bringing him to tears. 90-year-old World War II vet Bill Moore wrote his sweetheart and future wife the letter in 1944. Years later, it was discovered inside a record sleeve at a thrift shop.

The anonymous stranger who found the letter took the trouble to track down Moore, returning it to its rightful owner just before Valentine's Day. Moore was utterly surprised.

It was 1944 and 20-year-old Moore was fighting in Patton's Army. He had met a young woman named Bernadean Gibson during his furlough -- and he fell in love with her. But he had no way of knowing if he would survive the war to see her again.

But he did survive, and he went on to marry the woman he called "my darling, lovable, alluring, Bernadean." They enjoyed 63 years of marriage and had three children. Bernadean died five years ago.

Finding the letter is bittersweet for Bill. "I loved her," he tells KMGH. "She loved me and that's all I can tell you is the heartache of not being with her all the time."

Moore's daughter says she read the letter to her own daughter. "It really hit me that we were seeing the true depth of my parents' love," she says. "Their love sets such a beautiful example for what life can be."

As much as we enjoy the romance of two young people just starting to fall for each other, it's when we look backward, at decades shared together, that we see love's true depth and power. Bill and Bernadean were each other's companion through a lifetime of challenges. It's that "beautiful example," as their daughter puts it, that inspires the rest of us to take love to its fullest fruition.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

How do you think you'll feel about your current significant other 50 years from now?

 

Image via LiliGraphie/Shutterstock

6 Types of Moods Women Have and 6 Ways to Keep Them Under Control

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

moody woman pms

Are you a moody bitch? I'll admit it, I sure am. And I'm not sorry, either -- especially since I've found out that being a little moody can be hella useful.

 

I've been reading a new book called Moody Bitches: The Truth About the Drugs You're Taking, The Sleep You're Missing, The Sex You're Not Having, and What's Really Making You Crazy by psychiatrist Dr. Julie Holland. It's about the many, many moods most of us women have, and what those moods may be trying to tell us. We asked Holland to tell us more. 

1. Fear and anxiety. "It's been good for our survival that we're hypervigilant, alert and sensitive to our environment," Holland says. It's not a state you want to stay in all the time, but it can be useful.

2. Irritability. "Occasionally being irritable and dissatisfied is a great opportunity to make changes in your life," Holland says. The thing is, whatever thoughts and feelings that get amplified during PMS are true all month long -- it's just that you're feeling them more strongly at that time of the month. And that can be a helpful alarm for you.

"A lot of women have trouble saying 'no' and setting limits," Holland says. "It's like a martyr resentment cycle." Over time, if you take on too much, you start feeling depleted, which leads to feelings of resentment. "So when you're feeling low, take notes and keep track of where you're bending too much and giving too much. Try to pull back on that the rest of the month."  

3. Sadness, blues. Don't apologize for supposedly overreacting when your feelings are hurt. "Tears and crying are a very efficient indicator to people that there is a problem," Holland insists. Especially if it's a man who has hurt your feelings -- they tend to miss emotional signals, so you do sometimes have to get overt with them.

And yes, moms, it's okay to cry in front of your kids. "Tears can underscore lessons," Holland says. "If they do something reckless that scares you, it gives them feedback on their behavior." Even tears of joy are okay. By seeing your intense emotions in response to their actions, kids get valuable feedback. They learn their behavior affects other people's feelings.

4. Hangry. Or just plain hungry. We tend to crave carbs and sugar during PMS when we're running low on serotonin. It's important to pay attention to your cravings, even if you satisfy them through other means than Ben and Jerry's.

5. Lusty or turned off. It's not your imagination -- your level of horniness fluctuates depending on where you are in your cycle. Not surprisingly, you're at your most frisky at mid-cycle, when you're at your most fertile. But we're also more attracted to hot, alpha males at that point. That's why the lower-libido days are helpful -- that's when we're more attractive to sweeter, nurturing types who are more likely to stick around.

A word of warning: The combination of hormonal birth control with antidepressants can crush your libido. Holland says if you have to be on antidepressants and want your sex life back, see if you can lower your dosage and you should definitely switch to a non-hormonal birth control like a cervical cap.

6. Calm optimism. On the other end of the spectrum, you have that phase in your cycle when your estrogen levels are surging. "This calms you down and gives you that 'whatever, I can do it' feeling," Holland says. It puts you in accommodation mode. This isn't necessarily your "default" mode, though -- it's no more or less normal than when you're feeling irritable or sad. It just means your more patient with and tolerant of the various challenges in your life.

More from The Stir: Shocking Benefits to Having Orgasms

Once you slow down and start paying attention to what your moods are telling you, there are several things you can do to manage your moods for a smoother ride through life.

1. Eat better. Next time you're craving carbs and sweets, turn to serotonin-boosting foods that are high in tryptophan instead, like nuts, seeds, spirulina, eggs, milk, cheese, fish, spinach, hormone-free dark meat turkey, and bananas. Eat when you're feeling hungry, but first ask yourself if you feel like eating because you're trying to numb other feelings.

2. Get better rest. Don't screw up your metabolism and circadian rhythms; Unplug before you go to bed. Holland recommends avoiding screens two hours before bedtime. But even if you can't manage that, at least don't let your phone be the last thing you see before you close your eyes.

3. Go run. Regular cardio exercise can be as effective at improving your mood and energy level (and reducing feelings of blahhh) as antidepressants. If you hate running, there's spin, dancing -- all kinds of alternatives work as long as you're elevating your heart rate by moving your body.

4. Get some light. Surprisingly, light therapy may be even more effective than cardio in treating depression. We're still learning about what it can do (talk with a therapist if you're interested), but in the meantime, see if you can get some natural sunlight especially first thing in the morning.

5. Have better sex. We've said it so many times here at The Stir: Sex is amazing for your health, especially if you climax. Find out what turns you on and make it happen, whether that's oral or the vibrator (not to get too explicit or anything!). Get rid of the barriers to good sex. And truly connect with your partner.

6. Respect the moods. Accept that they're a normal part of your life as a female and plan around them. Educate the men in your life about your moods. Men are often fearful of strong emotions from women -- it makes them feel out of control. But the more they know about cycles and moods, the better they become at predicting your behavior and (HOPEFULLY!) supporting you.

Have you ever thought of your moods as helpful?

 

Image via Radharani/Shutterstock

 

7 Things Guys Still Don’t Get About Having Sex With Women

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

couple talking on date

For all the flack men get about only being interested in sex and acting like insensitive dolts I feel like we're actually on the same page about a lot of things. We all want connection, we all feel vulnerable sometimes, we all want to feel loved. But there's a new sex poll commissioned by Esquire and Cosmopolitan that makes me wonder ... do guys still NOT get it?

The "Sex and America" survey asked more than 40 questions on everything from chivalry to sexual assault -- you can see full results in the April issues of both magazines. But looking through some of the highlights I get the impression that we agree on generalities -- like that rape is bad. (Of course!) But how do you define rape, exactly? That's where our opinions diverge.

This request would creep us out. Eighty-five percent of women said that a boss telling her to dress “sexy” for an important meeting constituted sexual harassment; 73 percent of men agreed. Yes, the cat-calling is that bad. Fifty percent of women said they routinely experience or witness sexual taunts walking down the street, while less than a third of men said they thought it was a common experience for women.Making out at a bar doesn't entitle you to sex later on. Sixty-four percent of men and 50% of women believe if you make out at a bar during a first or second date and then go home together, it is reasonable to assume that it will lead to sex.You should believe a woman when she cries rape. Sixty-six percent of women said that if a woman accused a man of rape or sexual assault, she should be presumed to be telling the truth, whereas 49 percent of men agreed.Rape happens more often than you think. Fifty-two percent of men said they thought the Center for Disease Control’s estimate that 1 in 5 women would be the victim of rape in her lifetime was higher than they expected. Only 31 percent of women thought so. OMG, can't even with this one. Fifty-two percent of men said that under the right circumstances, most men are capable of rape. 48% of women agree. (MOST men??? What circumstances could those possibly be?!?)Ugh, that song/image/movie treats women like meat! Eighty-two percent of woman believe American pop culture is demeaning to women and 68% of men agree.

Is it me, or does the world of sex and dating seem more dangerous to women that men realize? That's the message I got from this survey. The differences aren't that dramatic -- but they're still there.

I feel like we've all had these conversations with the men in our lives. We go through the list of sexual violations we and the women we know have survived -- and our boyfriends and husbands are shocked. We share that video of the woman getting cat called on the street -- and they had no idea it was that bad.

But like hope lingering in Pandora's box, there's one statistic that makes me think we may get closer eventually.

Twenty-nine percent of men said they considered themselves feminists, while 51 of women said the same.

Maybe I've been especially pessimistic, but wow -- almost 30 percent of men are willing to call themselves feminists. That's more than I expected! And for all those men, there are a few others who pretty much agree to all the ideas behind feminism but just don't like the word because of its history.

So my final takeaway from this poll is that we need to keep talking. Keep telling your stories to the men in your lives. The more we talk, the more we understand each other.

Do any of these differences of opinion surprise you? Do you feel like the men in your life underestimate the risks of sex and dating for women?

 

Image via Ammentorp Photography/Shutterstock

 


Woman Turns Love Letters From Old Boyfriends Into Stunning Photo Project

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

love lettersAsk any woman and we'll admit we still keep a few love letters from boyfriends past, somewhere -- even if we've moved on to other relationships. Photographer Stephanie Calabrese has been sifting through her old love letters and is turning them into a fascinating project on Instagram.

"I found an envelope of letters up in the attic," Calabrese writes in one Instagram post. "All hand-written. Pages from boys I loved back then. I was 20ish. All quotes in these images have come from the letters."

Calabrese has typed out lines from the letters and photographed them -- little snippets from her love life, like so many scattered memories. See if they remind you of snippets from your own past love lives.

Do you ever look through your old love letters, or have you let go of them?

 

Image via KariDesign/Shutterstock

Homeopathic Meds Were Too Good to Be True All Along (Sob!)

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

homeopathic medicines

Bad news for alternative medicine advocates: A new report says homeopathic medications are not effective for treating any condition. Zilch, nada. I know what some of you are thinking: But what about all the times homeopathy has totally worked for me?!?

 

Keep in mind, this study focused specifically on the system of alternative medicine developed in Germany based on the idea that “the substances that may cause illness or symptoms in a healthy person can, in very small doses, treat those symptoms in a person who is unwell," as the report put it. They're usually sold as those tiny, round pellets you take five at a time, every few hours.

When it comes to treating a cold, homeopathic meds have been my go-to. They sure seem to effectively treat MY conditions!

But this brings us to one of the difficult, painful truths about how science works.

Anecdotal evidence ain't no evidence at all. In order for an experiment's findings to be valid, you have to be able to replicate it, over and over again, with as large a group of participants as possible. Just because something appears to work for you, and your friends, doesn't mean it is effective for most people.

My own success with homeopathic meds could have been (gasp!) a placebo effect. I have no way of knowing if it was those little tiny pellets that quelled my sniffles, or if the cold virus I had wasn't that strong to begin with.

More from The Stir: 8 All-Natural Ways to Ward Off the Cold & Flu

So here's how this report is different. The authors did a meta analysis. That's when they look at all or most of the studies that have been done to get the "big picture." And what they found was that the homeopathic medications were not effective at treating symptoms. What's more, the few studies that seemed to prove the meds do work had serious flaws that put their results in question.

So does that mean Big Pharma wins? Not so fast. I think if anything, this study shows that we need more, higher-quality studies on alternative medicine.

Homeopathic medicine has millions of passionate adherents who want an alternative to pharmaceuticals that come with serious side effects -- and that in some cases can even make you sicker. And collectively we are spending millions of dollars seeking out those alternatives. We find the idea of the body healing itself, of medicine that treats the whole person, not individual symptoms, enormously appealing -- even essential -- for maintaining good health.

So hey, if it turns out that those little tiny white pellets in the blue bottles aren't as effective as I thought they were, so be it. There's plenty of other non-pharmaceutical ways to treat the common cold -- and prevent it, for that matter.

But I'm sure as hell not turning to Mucinex any time soon. Let's all keep trying out alternatives and demanding better, smarter, safer ways to care for our health.

Have you ever taken homeopathic medications? Will this report influence your choices in the future?

 

Image via PRILL/Shutterstock

If Your 11-Year-Old Doesn't Know About Consensual Sex, It's Time to Talk

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

sex edWhile you're gearing up to give your kids the sex talk, there's another talk just as important -- and maybe even more difficult. Some schools are teaching children as young as 11 about rape and sexual consent. Is that too early?

Public schools in England are being directed to teach students about rape and consent starting at age 11 this spring. The classes won't be mandatory, but it seems there has been huge demand from parents. Britain's education secretary Nicky Morgan wrote in the Sunday Times:

Mothers at the school gates often tell me about their worries for their daughters. They tell me that on top of the usual stress of school life and teenage years, they want to know their girls are being taught what a healthy relationship looks like and how to say ‘no.'

So that's happening overseas. Should we be doing the same?

I have an 11-year-old son, and this news made me uncomfortable. But not because I think he's too young. If anything, this puts me on notice. I think it's actually the perfect age to have that conversation and I need to get on that.

More from The Stir: Sex Talk With Our Kids Should Start Right After Potty Training

My son already knows how sex works. We've talked about it before, and he's learning about it this year at school as well. But at this point he and his peers are thinking about sex and talking about it -- but they're not doing it yet. It's the perfect window of opportunity.

And he probably already knows that rape exists. So that's not going to be a big surprise. I would like to get ahead of all the mixed messages kids get about sexual consent: The slut-shaming, the cat-calling, the nude photos that get forwarded, the sexually-charged trolling, all of it.

None of us wants our child to grow up to sexually violate a woman -- in any way, shape, or form. No one wants to believe their little angel is capable of such heinous acts. But how else are they going to learn what's wrong unless we teach them in specifics?

Do you think 11 is too young to learn about rape and sexual consent? What's the right age to you?

 

Image via © diane39/Shutter

 

 

Fallen Out of Love With Your Husband? 5 Smart Things to Do (Instead of Divorce!)

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

wife bored with husbandLong-term monogamy can be hard, especially for women. We are more likely to suffer a loss of libido due to familiarity than men are, in fact. Few women want to admit it, but a lot of you have fallen out of love with your husband. So what do you do about that, if otherwise the marriage is still working? Say goodbye to romance for the rest of your life?

We asked Dr. Pepper Schwartz, relationship thought leader at Life Reimagined and author of Frommer’s/AARP Places for Passion: The 75 Most Romantic Destinations in the World for her advice. How do some women maintain sexual interest in their husbands for years and years?

1. Encourage your husband to evolve. "You can't manufacture excitement that has gone away without change," Schwartz says. Men notoriously like everything to stay the same. But positive change, whether it's a haircut, a new job, or a new hobby, will shake up your vision of your husband. Don't force it -- but do encourage him to explore new parts of himself.

Okay, some of you are muttering (or shouting) at the laptop, he is never going to change anything about himself, everrrrr! I hear you. So this is another option.

2. Try new things together. Another way to see your husband in a new light is to explore together. Schwartz says this could include "learning a new sport together at which he excels, or roughing it on a trip where he can show his manly, competent side." Look for activities that allow your husband to show a new, sexier side of his personality -- or at least a side of himself that's new to you.

Dr. Schwartz recommends the relationship-building activities on LifeReimagined.org, which "aim to bring you and your partner closer together, in terms of intimacy, bond and communication."

3. Enable your husband to show off. "She needs to see him on the turf he is most impressive on, whether it's in the lab, his Gortex ski jacket, or running his marathon," Schwartz says. Marathon-running husband? Sign us up for one of those! Well, even if extraordinary acts of physical fitness are not his thing, there must be something you respect your husband for doing, and which allows him to show himself in the best possible light. Be an appreciative audience.

4. Allow a little space into your marriage. "It helps if he is a bit unknowable," Schwartz says, "if he is a man who cannot be owned, but is capable of loyalty, kindness and sensitivity upon occasion." Who is this exciting James Bond/Daddy type?!? We want to meet him.

Okay, but seriously. Schwartz recommends avoiding obvious turnoffs, like watching your husband floss his teeth. And it goes beyond that. "It's important to create atmospheres where romance and respect can flourish. Let there be a little bit of distance, so parts of him remain a mystery."

5. Don't badger him into being more manly. "Sometimes wives goad their husbands into big angry reactions just to see this uber side of his personality," Schwartz says. "But this can be destructive since she is creating the very contempt she would like to avoid." Pay attention to those moment when you find yourself picking a fight with your husband -- and stop yourself. There are more positive ways to help him express himself.

Do you worry about feeling a little bored with your husband sometimes?

 

Image via Federico Marsicano/Shutterstock

What the Transgender Community Really Thinks of Bruce Jenner

$
0
0
Post by Adriana Velez.

bruce jenner

Will Bruce Jenner go public with his story as a transgender person? So far all we've heard are rumors from unnamed sources -- oh, and Jenner's mother. But in the meantime, we've been wondering: How do people in the transgender community feel about this famous figure maybe, possibly transitioning in a very public way?

We reached out and talked with a few people who identify as transgender to find out.

Putting the spotlight on transgender stories can be polarizing.

Chrystine Julian made her transition in 1995 and chronicled her story in a memoir, Saddling Dragons. She first brings up a posted article on Jenner she saw in a Facebook group for comedians. Someone had commented, "I'd hit that ... with a chainsaw." "That set me off on a number of posts concerning violence against transgender people," Julian says. (She reported the post to Facebook, but they decided it did not violate their standards.)

"I don't believe anyone makes a gender transition easily or without much contemplation," Julian says. "It is even harder under the type of spotlight [Jenner's] family is under."

She's ambivalent about the value of Jenner going public with his transition. "I think that celebrities like Bruce Jenner, Chelsea Manning, Chaz Bono and TransParent etc. are polarizing, and promote more jokes than valid discussions, but really don’t change much individually." While she has never been personally threatened, she is still aware that trans-people are misunderstood. "Judging from a lot of social media posts and news stories regarding restrooms and other aspects of trans-life, 'Born a man, always a man' is still a popular attitude."

On the other hand, she says, "I am proud of the way Bruce’s family is supporting him through this; Not many transgender folks get that level of support."

More from The Stir: When Kids Change Sex: Moms of Transgender Kids Share Their Stories

This brings more awareness to the struggles trans individuals face.

Sheila Rodriguez is a digital communications professional in New York City. She says she doesn't ordinarily follow the Kardashians, but suddenly she's seeing Jenner's story everywhere. And that's mostly a good thing.

"In my opinion," Rodriguez says of Jenner, "I think his affiliation with the Kardashian women is what makes this a progressive move for the trans community ... Because his family has been in the public eye for so long and the Kardashian brand is an empire, I think this can only bring more awareness to the struggles trans individuals face."

Rodriguez feels that Jenner's story could make a great platform for educating the public about trans issues. "More people will listen and participate in the conversation because of the Kardashians," she says. "The acceptance coming from the girls is like having the ultimate spokesperson. I am a firm believer in underrepresented causes and cases and that 'no press is bad press.'

"Overall, it makes me feel like 'Too bad society, here’s controversy, bam, right in your face, and all you can do is TALK about it.'" Rodriguez says. "And talking about it is the first step to, albeit a long road, but a step in the right direction to acceptance. It will be interesting to see him through his journey, whether you want to or not."

Our lives are more than a reality TV show.

Gisele Alicea (A.K.A. Gisele Xtravaganza) is an actor, model, painter, event producer, legendary ballroom personality, and transgender activist. She most recently participated in the new book, The Human Agenda: Conversations About Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity by Joe Wenke. She feels it's a good thing that Jenner's story has gotten people talking about transgender issues. 

"I'm sure it's very difficult for Bruce Jenner to transition as opposed to someone who is not in the public eye," Alicea says. "But our lives are more than reality TV shows and the Kardashians. We are real people and we suffer."

We talked a bit about how Jenner still has not made an official announcement, and how he seems protective of his story. He reportedly has postponed his transition documentary series partly because he wants his kids to be ready.

More from The Stir: Mom of Transgender Daughter Shares Big Secret to Making It Work

She understands why Jenner might be reluctant to go public with his transition -- it must be difficult for him personally. However, "I think it's good because the Kardashians are very popular, so it's going to make people talk, and I think this conversation is very needed for our community."

But it's important that people outside the trans community engage in conversation respectfully. "Not bashing -- the media often makes a mockery of transgender people. It's something a lot of us have been fighting for years."

Alicea is hopeful as trans issues rise into the mainstream, the public will learn more. "Understand and be respectful that this is a very difficult process for anyone," she says. "Be open-minded and understand that this is more than a reality show thing. This is [Jenner's] personal story." She says she appreciates it when non-trans people are willing to listen and learn.

I'm so thankful that someone is willing to take on that much visibility on behalf of all of us.

Jeremy Wallace is a professional keynote speaker and author of the transition memoir, Taking the Scenic Route to Manhood. He notes that we still don't have the official word from Jenner about his rumored transition, yet. However, if it's true, "I'm really excited because he's such a prominent figure. I grew up in the 1970s seeing him on the Wheaties box. He's an icon." (Jenner was famous first as an accomplished Olympic athlete.)

Wallace welcomes Jenner bringing trans issues to the forefront. "I have a lot of compassion and awe for anyone who has the courage to transition," Wallace says, "but especially someone in the public. It takes so much courage. I'm so thankful that someone is willing to take on that much visibility on behalf of all of us." 

"I can't even imagine what it must be like to have so many outsiders involved in your transition," Wallace says, imagining how Jenner's transition differs from most others. "I cannot even imagine that kind of pressure, dealing with it on a personal, home-life level, and then having people judge you on your transition."

"If I could reach out to him, I'd say, 'thank you for doing this. I'm sorry it's so messy for you,'" Wallace says. 

Have you learned anything new about transgender people or since Bruce Jenner's rumored planned transition?

 

Image via Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Viewing all 4100 articles
Browse latest View live