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When I hear the name Michelle Malkin, I picture a mean teenage girl terrorizing everyone in the school, ruthlessly ruling the roost, demanding abject loyalty from her minions, and cutting down anyone who dares to do her own thing -- especially if she's another girl. Michelle is the ultimate Mean Girl. And she's had an awesome week.
She picked on Meghan McCain for posing with Sandra Fluke at the Correspondents' Dinner. And have you heard what she called Elizabeth Warren? Yeech. Here's a sneak peek at Michelle Malkin's Mean Girl Agenda.
Get These Bitchez
Target #1: Meghan McCain. Total rival who needs to be taken down. She's hot, she's blond, and she loves the gays. And she gets tons of press! Worst of all, she tweeted a pic of herself with "very brave and badass" Sandra Fluke -- ugh! They're all "slut solidarity"!
Strategy: Sick my Twitch.com writing team on her ass. "Groan: When Meggie met Fluke-y." RT the story in a bitchy way: "Need an emetic?"
Result: Boo hoo, Meghan whines about how I went on an "absolute manic rampage." More page views for Twitch. Yes! I'm still the queen. Everyone loves me. I am the most popular conservative EVAH.
Target #2: Loudmouth liberal Elizabeth Warren. She's all sweet and down home and sensible and people eat that shit up. PLUS she's old and doesn't care about being popular! So hate mature grown-ups! Must slay.
Strategy: Ooh, back in the 1990s Harvard claimed she was a "Native American" faculty member. Right. I'll tap into conservatives' racism and hatred for affirmative action by publishing a list of "Elizabeth Warren Indian Names" like "Sacajawhiner" and "Pinocchio-hontas." And because I'm Filipina I have free racist slurs pass! Yay me!
Result: Fun Twitter party. Everyone still thinks I'm the coolest girl in the room. Awesome.
What makes this woman so toxic, and why is she acting like she's still in high school? You know what happens to every Mean Girl in the movies, but real life doesn't work that way. Michelle Malkin's come-uppance may be a long time coming. But I have to wonder what would the Glee kids do with someone like her.
What did you think of Michelle's attacks on Meghan McCain and Elizabeth Warren?
Image via @McCainBlogette
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