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Think of your last real relationship. If you could sit down with your ex and ask him or her anything, what would you ask? Video project The {} And brought college sweethearts Ali and Andrew together two years after they broke up to ask each other anything -- and it got intense.
The video jumps right in the beginning with the Big One: "Why did you cheat on me so many times?" Ali asks Andrew. How many women on planet Earth have been dying to ask an ex that question? The surprising thing is that she doesn't really get satisfaction from his answer. That's not surprising because the real answer to "why did you cheat" is usually something utterly mundane (as it is in this case).
But what is satisfying is the way Andrew was forced to look Ali in the eye and answer for his actions. Oh, he squirms and tries to deny at first. But she gets him to fess up about what he really did. And then she gets to tell him, "That f---ing sucks!" He has to watch her cry and face the last remnants of the pain he caused her.
That's probably the most excruciating part of the confrontation. Ali and Andrew also reminisce about the good times. But Ali gets in some more of those closure-seeking questions we all crave. "Who is at fault for the relationship ending?" "Why haven't you been in a relationship since we broke up?"
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It must be enormously cathartic to have this kind of confrontation with your ex. There's a kind of deep vicarious satisfaction we get from watching Ali and Andrew hash out their past like this. I think their encounter must have given them a lot to think about.
But I suspect what makes this conversation work is that they've gotten some distance from their breakup. It's been two years, and they've both done a lot of thinking and processing during that time. It shows. Ali doesn't lash out in anger and Andrew doesn't stonewall her defensively. They're both mature and honest with each other -- especially Ali, wow.
So going back to my original question -- if you could do this with an ex, what would you ask? Would you even want to have this conversation? Do you think it would help you resolve anything?
Of course, for a lot of us, our last breakup may have been a divorce with our kids' father, which means we don't get to walk away never to see each other again. We confront our exes regularly for visitations and custody arrangements. Many of us avoid asking difficult questions so we can keep things civil.
Still, I have to think, assuming you've both had time to get some perspective and can handle uncomfortable conversations, this may be just the therapy to help exes get the closure they need and learn some important insights they can apply to future relationships.
See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.
Image via Glamour Magazine/YouTube
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
