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Are you keeping up with the girl feuds of the music world? A bit of drama played out at last night's VMAs between Nicki Minaj and host Miley Cyrus. Some say it was staged -- because that's what the people love, right? A good girlfight.
It all started with a previous conflict, the one between Minaj and Taylor Swift from a couple weeks ago. Minaj complained about how the awards show treats women of color, and Swift felt like Minaj was calling her out (she says she wasn't). The two eventually cleared the air, but that didn't stop Cyrus from chiming in on it.
More from The Stir: When Nicki Minaj & Taylor Swift Fight Over Feminism We All Win
In a New York Times interview Cyrus was asked about the Minaj/Swift argument. She almost got out of it, saying, "I saw that. I didn't really get into it. I know there was some beef ..." But when prodded a little more she said she didn't respect Minaj's statements because she sounded angry and came from too personal a place.
If you want to make it about race, there’s a way you could do that. But don’t make it just about yourself. Say: 'This is the reason why I think it’s important to be nominated. There’s girls everywhere with this body type.'
Cyrus is forgetting that the personal is political. Not to mention, that line reading she just gave Minaj is almost exactly what she said.
So later, when Minaj accepted her award for Best Hip Hop Video, she thanked her fans and pastor before bringing up Cyrus's dig. "And now back to this bitch that had a lot to say about me in the press. Miley, what’s good?” Cyrus tried to brush it off, saying, "Hey, we're all in this industry, we all do interviews, and we all know how they manipulate s--t. Nicki, congratuf-klations.” Minaj responded from this not-so-sincere compliment by mouthing, “Don’t play with me, bitch!”
An insider tells Us, "Nicki was livid with Miley and decided to air her feelings onstage."
Well, I can see why Minaj would be upset. But honestly, I'm disappointed with her and with Cyrus. Why drag this drama out? Imagine all the young girls watching. You know teens and tweens get caught up in similar personal dramas all the time. And it's a crying shame because all that time and energy they direct into those feuds is time and energy they could be spending on something creative and empowering instead.
In that Times interview Cyrus complained about the negativity Minaj supposedly introduced in that first feud. "It became Nicki Minaj and Taylor in a fight, so now the story isn’t even on what you wanted it to be about. Now you’ve just given E! News 'Catfight! Taylor and Nicki Go at It.'"
But what Cyrus forgets is that Minaj never mentioned Swift in the first place -- Swift came from a place of anger, butted in, and made Minaj's complaint about herself. Not to mention, by taking the bait and talking about the conflict, Cyrus perpetuates the very catfight she's complaining about. GIRLS! Stop provoking Minaj like it's a spectator sport.
We as women don't have to love each other or support each other all the time. That's unrealistic. And we all need to express frustration sometimes, even when it comes from an angry or personal place. But if you feel like someone has slighted you, IGNORE IT. Talking about it makes that supposed insult bigger and louder, and drags on the conflict.
Don't we all have better things to do?
Here's a brilliant quote by Nobel Prize-winning poet and Soviet-era refugee Joseph Brodsky about the best way to respond to your haters.
Above all, try to avoid telling stories about the unjust treatment you received at their hands; avoid it no matter how receptive your audience may be. Tales of this sort extend the existence of your antagonists; most likely they are counting on your being talkative and relating your experience to others ... Therefore, steal, or still, the echo, so that you don’t allow an event, however unpleasant or momentous, to claim any more time than it took for it to occur.
Still the echo. It's harder to do than reacting (for me, too!), but it's an act of compassion for everyone. We all get a little more dignity every time a woman resists the impulse to react to an insult, implied or imagined.
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Images via Splash News, Xavier Collin/Image Press/Splash
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