Something I keep wondering while I watch the presidential candidates for 2016: Are they crazy, or is it just the stars? Maybe some astrology could shed some light on their often bizarre moves. Think it would help to check out the presidential candidates' horoscopes?
We took a look at the daily horoscopes of the presidential front runners and let's just say ... the universe has been throwing some intense energy around.
Tuesday, July 28: Linda Tripp clambered out from 1998 to warn us against voting for that witch, Scorpio Hillary Clinton. Astrologer Russell Grant's horoscope reading for that day urged her to "stop beating yourself up for failing to reach certain goals. You're exactly where the universe wants you to be." He says this was a good day for loved ones to make her feel better about her situation, so hopefully Clinton relied on close friends to comfort her after that Tripp interview.
Oh, and great news: Someone "close to your heart" could be setting her up for a new job with "unusual hours." You know what job has unusual hours? I'm thinking of the initials POTUS.
More from The Stir: Blabbermouth Linda Tripp Is Back & She's Going After Hillary Clinton This Time
Wednesday, July 29: Gemini Donald Trump declares breastfeeding "Disgusting." Well, the Bellingham Herald's horoscope has less to say about Trump's wordfart and more to say about our response to it.
Certain persons are in a mighty picky mood. They might correct everything you say, until you feel you daren't open your mouth, or they could criticize your behavior. Well, that's how it seems to you, although they've probably got a very different opinion about what's happening because they think you're being far too sensitive and subjective. Are you?
I don't think we were in a "picky mood" when we took issue with Trump's perspective on breastfeeding. As for thinking he's "far too sensitive and subjective" -- yup. All that bombast and ballast (not to mention hair) is a cover-up for that over-sensitive ego.
More from The Stir: Donald Trump Thinks Breastfeeding Is Disgusting: That'll Win Him the Mom Vote
Wednesday, July 29: Virgo Bernie Sanders says he drew 100,000 to his online campaign video event. He called it the largest grassroots campaign event of the season. His supporters called it #feelthebern. AbsoluteSecrets.com seems to think this was an auspicious day for Bernie.
"Making decisions or long-range plans is favored now." Good news for his campaign. "Your judgment is sound. Making worthwhile professional contacts, reaching out to others who can help you in your work, and taking care of business in an orderly, clear way are also likely." Well I should say so -- about 100,000 "others" were there to help him Wednesday. And they'd probably agree his judgment is sound.
Thursday, July 30: Anti-union and Scorpio Scott Walker was called out for riding a "Union made in the U.S.A" Harley-Davidson motorcycle. Maybe Walker should have followed BoothStars.com's advice. "There’s no point playing tough when you’ve got such a soft and understanding nature." Playing tough as in riding a motorcycle?
"You are under no obligation whatsoever to behave out of character." I would say Walker doesn't even look authentic riding a motorcycle anyway, but especially not a union-made bike! Then there's some blather about a "sense of oppression lifting" if he "dumps his fears" and acts according to his heart's desires ... I think this means he should drop out of the race and take up farming. Just an idea?
Thursday, July 30: Aquarius Jeb! Bush falls to third place in the Republican polls. And it just happens that the big blue moon is landing in Aquarius, a time of transitions and time when we are called upon to balance self expression with collective needs. How appropriate for a presidential candidate, no?
Jeb!'s horoscope at Astrology.com reads:
A new member of your family or social group has a lot to teach you. They've been through what you are going through, and have some interesting advice for you. They're not going to come up to you, tap you on the shoulder and say 'let's talk' -- so if you want to get some clarity on things, you need to approach them about it. They might be surprised at your request, but not because they don't want to help. They do want to help, and will be pleased that you are reaching out!
Okay, that's uncanny -- Jeb! has two family members who've been through presidential runs, and they probably both have plenty of advice for him. Sounds like Jeb! needs to be the one to reach out for advice from his brother and dad.
And there you go, horoscopes for the candidates. Will the stars tell us who will win? Haha, of course they won't. All those planets and stars in space are doing their own thing. It's all up to us.
Image via Photosani/Shutterstock