Mr. Grey will see you now -- or rather, you'll see Mr. Grey very close up. The follow-up to Fifty Shades of Grey is here. Titled simply Grey, it tells the love story of Christian and Anastasia this time from HIS perspective. Fans, commence lip-biting and inner goddess pole-vaulting.
Now we can see the inner workings of a psychopath's mind! I mean, one of the most timeless lovers of the ages. This could be the fulfillment of your deepest, darkest fantasy: Finally seeing inside Christian's head. The inscrutable heartthrob now laid bare. Except probably with his clothes on most of the time. But it's his grey matter we want most of all, isn't it?
Fans found Christian's single-minded pursuit of Ana hot, his dedication to her pleasure arousing, his emotional coldness impossible to resist. The rest of the world called him an abusive creep. Oh well, ya can't please everyone!
But wait -- will getting closer actually ruin the magic? Isn't it more fun when he's an object of fantasy with a mysterious inner life we have no access to? Well, never fear -- in Grey, Christian is still mysterious.
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For example, we still have no idea what he actually does at work all day aside from attending meetings and "firing up" his laptop. How does he find the time to obsess over Ana while running a multi-billion-dollar empire? You will find no clues in this book. Which is so HAWT! Because those details would be boring anyway.
Why does he love spanking ladies so much? It has something to do with his terrible early childhood with his "crack-whore" mother in Detroit who never gave him enough love. We get flashbacks in the form of nightmares that make him scream. When men scream alone it's hot! I guess?
We find out that Christian is super-duper jelly of Ana. Every other man who crosses Ana's path is in danger of falling into her vagina through some unknown force. What an imagination this man has! He seems to believe sex is some magical power beyond his control, which probably explains why he's always talking to himself in italics.
Anyway, it's always flattering when your man is obsessive and jealous of you -- but only if he's hot and fictional. Definitely not in real life. We know the difference! Heh heh.
And there seems to always be some commotion going on in Christian's pants. I could be wrong, but I get the sense that his family jewels play a major character in the book. Unlike real-life husbands, he's always ready for sex and never too tired or stressed out from work.
Oh, but fans, do not read Janet Maslin's New York Times review of Grey. It will ruin Christian for you. She describes him as "skittish, insecure, and nervous as a kitten." B-b-b-but, that's what Ana is supposed to be! Look away, fair readers. You have been warned.
Then again, maybe you think Christian Grey is a psycho creep and you've been hate-reading all things 50 Shades all this time, in which case you will adore Maslin's review and devour Grey as a smorgasborg of blech.
Wherever you fall within the 50 Shades of Ambivalence Over 50 Shades I'm sure you'll enjoy what the book has to offer. If nothing else, it will definitely confirm what you already though about Mr. Grey.
Image via Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group