Right after the Supreme Court gave marriage equality the green light, Lena Dunham turned immediately inward and began questioning her long-term, heterosexual relationship with Jack Antonoff. The couple has always said they could never marry so long as the LGBTQ community couldn't. But now that that's no longer a barrier, she totally wants in on that party. You guys, Lena Dunham wants to get married now.
In her latest essay for The New Yorker, "The Bride In Her Head," which hit the web today, Dunham confesses that her long-repressed childhood fantasies of a wedding are back with a vengeance. And she confessed how she began nagging her still-sleeping boyfriend with a series of text messages:
"... better not make a fool out of me. LOL."
"But seriously, I'm going to look like a real idiot if we just sit here like losers and keep dating."
Then, she took to Twitter ...
[code]
.@jackantonoff Get on it, yo...
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) June 26, 2015More from The Stir: 25% of Women Want Marriage Proposal Do-Overs
Of course she regretted it all immediately. And later, at a friend's wedding, she proposed ... that she and Jack not talk about marriage for a while. Still, she admits her political opposition to marriage may have been a stalling tactic that allowed their relationship to evolve without pressure.
Now, that's gone.
Now, she's stuck in that awkward stage of a relationship where it's utterly appropriate and expected and wished-for to take the next step and throw a wedding. It's the point where you almost have to keep announcing that you're NOT getting married, yet. And then you may even find yourself explaining why not, even if it's only to each other, or yourself.
I know this place. I'm standing in it now. But this time, I'm standing there as a divorced woman, and I know things.
You want eternal love? Nothing guarantees that. You want the ultimate expression of romantic devotion? A wedding is only one of many ways to get it. And the glow wears off after a while. You're going to have to be creative and find more novel ways of expressing your devotion, over and over again, through years, decades.
You'll weather crises together. They'll bring you closer. But what are you going to do when you get bored with each other?
How are you going to ward off the creeping, suffocating vines of contempt?
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What are you going to do if one of you stops wanting to have sex?
What if one of you dies young? Or contracts a debilitating disease that makes the ill one a cranky, humorless, physically impaired burden?
What secrets lie coiled, waiting to "challenge" your happy relationship? What fatal flaws are you refusing to see right now?
How deeply in denial are you about what wonderful, perfect, exceptional people you both are?
Has anyone told you that just because you marry someone doesn't mean you own them?
How amicable will your divorce be?
I'm not asking these questions to ruin anyone's fun. I'm just being realistic. A lot of my friends have been getting divorced in the past five or so years. And of the marriages still intact, I can think of at least half a dozen that are dead inside. D-E-A-D. Dead.
This bride Dunham talks about who lives inside our heads, she's delusional. She is on love drugs. Worse, she only lives for a day. She has a terminal disease that makes her drop dead soon after the honeymoon.
We love her, though, don't we? She is so beautiful and full of hope. The future of humanity depends on her. That's why we let her live ... in our imaginations.
Dunham says she likes living in a place of uncertainty over whether she'll get married or not. I say that's a very good place to be. I like it there. Pull up a chair, and make yourself less uncomfortable. Ride it out, and see where it takes you.
How long did you date before you became engaged? Do you ever wish you'd waited longer? Did you nag your boyfriend into proposing?
Image via Grekov's/shutterstock