If you're ordering pizza and just eating it, you're doing it wrong. You could be getting so much more out of your dinner. You could be using it to solve all your Big Life Questions. You could be having a pizza séance.
The website Free Art & Technology explains how to employ the dark arts of the pizza séance.
1. Log into your favorite delivery service. When you select your pizza, make a special request for the restaurant to spell out a letter Y, N, or M shape in pepperoni. Their choice.
2. When you get your pizza, DON'T OPEN THE BOX YET! Gather everyone around and chant the Big Life Question you want answered.
3. Lift the pizza box lid and discover your answer.
See? It's that easy. You are limited only by the number of pizzas you can order and eat. If you have lot of questions, maybe throw a lot of pizza séance parties. Hey -- in fact, try this at your kid's next birthday party! I'm sure the other parents won't mind at all when their children come home with distorted reports of what actually happened.
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Some of you are perhaps thinking, "This is bananas. Why would you leave important life decisions up to your pizza?" To which I would answer, PIZZA, not bananas. Haven't you been paying attention?
Perhaps you've confused the pizza séance with banana roulette. That's when you have to make a choice among several options. So you lay them all out in a circle, spin the banana in the center, and see where the stem points. There's your answer.
Pretty much any big question in life can be answered by food. That's what I always say.
Admit it, are you just a teeny bit tempted to try the pizza séance?
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