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Recently one woman boldly put a stake in the ground and announced that she is done giving blow jobs. No more! Alison Stevenson explained her reasons for going on an oral strike, and they actually sound pretty reasonable.
It boils down to two things:
1. She doesn't like doing it.
2. Throughout her dating life, too few men have reciprocated. And the few who did just gave her a cursory once-over and moved on without bringing her to climax.
While Stevenson is forthcoming about her blow job embargo she has managed to find a casual lover who is perfectly willing to come over and perform oral sex on her, to her satisfaction, on the regular. Some say it's unfair. To those people I say, would we ever say the same thing about a man who refuses to perform cunnilingus but who enjoys a regular BJ? I think not.
Anyway, this got us wondering ... what if married women did the same thing? That is, what if unsatisfied wives refused to give blow jobs until their husbands got their cunnilingus on game? Would that work?
We asked clinical sexologist Dr. Laurie Bennett-Cook what she thinks about this boycott idea. And she said: No.
"Think of it as if he had an itch and he asked you to scratch it," she says. "What if you said, 'Well, you never scratch my itches, so I'm not going to scratch yours.'" This is someone you've chosen as your life partner. "That's not how you treat someone you care about," she says. You're not going to win this one by withholding. You're going to have to (gulp) COMMUNICATE.
So! If you've got a reluctant man, start by asking why he doesn't want to perform oral sex. It could be that he just doesn't like the idea. "Maybe he just doesn't know how to, or maybe he's insecure about his skills," Bennett-Cook suggests. "Maybe he's had some past experience with it that didn't feel good and hurt his confidence."
The thing is, Bennett-Cook says, men really do want to satisfy you. "But oral sex is a total guessing game and no two women are made the same." That's why communication is key.
Tell him receiving oral sex is important to you. And when he goes there, be sure to give explicit feedback. "The way our culture is designed, women are allowed to say 'no' to things," Bennett-Cook says. "But we don't want to say 'hell yes!' because then we'll be considered slutty." Which you're not, of course! So use your words.
"Tell him, 'hey, I like it when you do this,'" Bennett-Cook says. "Ask, 'It takes me a while to receive pleasure, so could you please be there longer?' Men do require a little direction sometimes because we're a little more complicated down there than they are."
And one more key to reciprocation: Ladies first, for biological reasons. "Men tend to want to crash after they've had an orgasm," Cook-Bennett says. This is due to a chemical chain reaction following an orgasm that actually makes him feel sleepy. You've probably noticed already? So she recommends he pleasure you first and then, after you've climaxed, it's his turn. Everyone wins!
Have you ever withheld sexually to try to get what you want?
Image via Syda Productions/Shutterstock
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
