We never talk about this, but it's so true: The expectations for Valentine's Day sex are HIGH. Everyone wants it to be super romantic and hot, hot hot. Does that make you nervous -- or excited? Either way, we've tapped some "sexperts" for tips on how to truly make it a magical night with your man.
Get ready, because the night of mind-blowing sex begins before anyone even takes their clothes off!
1. Break down any barriers to great sex. Before you get started, take some time to really think about anything that usually keeps you from enjoying sex. "Anticipate barriers and make contingency plans," advises women's sexuality educator Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., in her book, Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. She's talking mostly about psychological barriers, but we're guessing barrier numero uno for most moms is the kids, so make sure you've got their needs covered in advance for the entire time you'll be doing the bedroom tango.
2. Set the stage by going on a heart-raising date. Nagoski recommends doing this often to ramp up your sex life. The idea is, you'll start associating your husband with excitement, and that will translate into the bedroom. Worth a try -- especially on Valentine's Day! She suggests riding roller coasters, going on a fast hike, watching a scary movie, or seeing a stadium concert. Whatever makes your heart beat faster.
3. Give yourselves a meaningful challenge. Once you're ready to make love, try something risky that scares you a little. "Play out a lifelong sexual fantasy that you've always wanted to try but haven't found the courage to explore," says Nagoski. This could be something as simple as having sex with the lights on.
4. Get out of bed. Another great way to make sex more adventurous is to take it out of the bed altogether. In her book, Sex Rx: Hormones, Health, and Your Best Sex Ever, gynecologist and sexual health expert Lauren Streicher recommends this approach: "Stand up while he presses you against the wall." Mrowr!
5. Do a shower lap dance. Okay, sex in the shower tends to be super awkward. But what about something simpler? "A lap dance is perfect for the shower if you have a sturdy seat or bench for him to sit on before you 'dance,'" says Streicher. Use that hand-held shower head if you have one. Just be cautious with the slippery lube!
6. Play with couples' sex toys. They're not just for your special "alone time." In fact, some toys are created specifically for couples. And using them doesn't mean your sex life "needs" it -- it means you're open to a lot of different kinds of fun. (Save that line if your husband is reluctant.) Streicher recommends the Pleasure Commander, a small vibrator that attaches to your man to stimulate your clitoris during intercourse.
7. Imagine that you ARE that sex-loving woman. "Don't just have sex," says Nagoski, "be a deliciously erotic woman who is curious and playful about sex." If you picture yourself as that kind of women, it's going to be easier to actually enjoy lovemaking. And if you end up feeling ridiculous? "If you find it difficult to embody the identity of a woman who loves sex, that's crucial information!" Nagoski says. Later on, think about why that is and what you can do to change that.
How do you feel about Valentine's sex? What are your expectations?
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