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Today was hard, you guys. I'm not gonna lie. True, it's Friday. But for about 30 minutes today Facebook was down. And for many of us, the whole world shut down, too. If I wanted to see that photo of Leonardo DiCaprio with his Super Soaker I actually had to Google the image instead of letting it roll up ever five seconds on my stream. How could they do this to us? How could they let us down like that? For, you know, a whole half an hour?!? Thank goodness it didn't last any longer than that!
I was totally unprepared for this global emergency. I had NO IDEA what to do with myself.
Well next time I'll be prepared. Here's what you can do if this ever happens to us again. Not that there will ever be a next time. Right, Zuckerberg?
1. Do your job. Okay, technically, futzing around on Facebook is kind of my job because I'm doing "research" to find out "what moms are talking about." But actually, I'm supposed to be writing here. So I had a productive half hour. SIGH.
2. Feed your kids. Maybe your job is to keep your children fed? Here on the East Coast, Facebook went down right around lunchtime. How convenient. So for once, parents got to feed their children before they started crying and tugging on our clothing.
3. Notice that the sun is shining. It's summer. Did you know? Oh yes, of course you do -- from everyone else's summer vacation photos. But with Facebook down, we had 30 minutes of doubt about the current season -- UNLESS! We got up out of our chairs and looked out the window. Ooh, too bright. Close the drapes. Enough sunlight.
4. Pick up the phone and talk to someone. Remember talking on the phone? That's what we used to do before we started "liking" posts and leaving a cursory LOL here and there. Helpful hint: Don't say "LOL" when you talk on the phone. You're supposed to actually laugh instead. Out Loud. You know?
5. Entertain the idea of cooking a non-Crock-Pot meal. Like seriously, chop up meat and vegetables and turn on that stove thingy and cook like they do on TV. Oh wait, TV.
6. Watch TV. Hmm. Not interactive at all. Where can I leave a comment? Nowhere, that's where. Never mind.
7. Clean up around here. I'm joking! That's a terrible idea.
8. Piss off the other moms at the playground by doing this.
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9. Write someone a letter. That's that thing where you write your mundane thoughts down using a pen on a piece of paper. Then you fold it up, put it in an envelope, and send it to someone via the U.S. Postal Service. The recipient won't get it for days, but I hear people still like that sort of thing. Except your mundane thoughts look EXTRA mundane once you see them on paper. Also, where are the pens?
10. Find a new way to judge other moms. You still need to get your disapproval quota for the day or you'll actually have to engage in some self-examination. No, not that! Continue to feel smug and self-righteous by hanging out at the playground or your local discount store. Watch carefully.
We're kidding of course. You're just fine without Facebook. So am I! I don't need Facebook at all. Really.
How do you feel when Facebook is down?
Images © iStock/KirbusEdvard, © iStock/Serg Myshkovsky
Image may be NSFW.
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