Welp, someone's parents are super proud right now. One supremely unfortunate young man got stuck inside a vagina sculpture over the weekend, and it took 22 rescue workers to get him out. An American exchange student crammed his body inside a statue entitled Chacán-Pi (Making Love) in Tübingen, Germany on a dare for a photo. And then he couldn't get out. Rescue workers spent 30 minutes midwifing this overgrown baby out of the crevice.
I have may questions about this whole debacle, but one thing is beyond question: Now that photos including the "victim's" face have gone viral it will be a very long time before this bro sees the inside of a real vajayjay. That is for certain. I mean, look at this guy.
The "friend" who posted the photos to Reddit asked everyone to blur out his buddy's photo because "he is uncomfortable with the attention." THEN WHY DID YOU POST A PHOTO OF YOUR FRIEND, DUDE?!? Some pal.
Anyhoo, I'm still wondering how one wedges oneself nearly irretrievably inside a vagina sculpture? Even Tübingen's mayor was flummoxed, saying he couldn't imagine how it happened, "even when considering the most extreme adolescent fantasies." And then he hints darkly that leaving the boy trapped might actually have been an option: "To reward such a masterly achievement with the use of 22 firefighters almost pains my soul."
I feel your pain, mayor. Maybe you should not have "rewarded" the student this way? I suppose the guy could have stayed there indefinitely, getting fed by the townspeople like a bear at the zoo until the next rain, when the extra moisture might have enabled him to claw his way out.
Indeed, the student's dignity might have been saved if he'd been forced to escape all on his own. It could have been like 127 Hours only less handsome and much more German. People could have live-tweeted his daring struggle to free himself. And then, imagine the pride he would have felt, clambering out at last of his own volition, after cutting off his own legs with a plastic knife from a nearby biergarten! Wow.
But no. There is no dignity here. Only one hideously humiliated young man who had to be forcefully pulled free from a vagina sculpture. Oh the humanity. I only hope this isn't foreshadowing for the upcoming World Cup match between the U.S. and Germany.
Have you ever gotten stuck somewhere and needed help getting free?
Images ©iStock.com/hxdbzxy (top) and ErickGuzman/Imgur (bottom two)