Why? Why are we depending on a burrowing mammal to tell us how long winter will last? It's the 21st century. Hasn't technology progressed to the point where we can find out some other way? Do we still have to drag this poor animal out of the ground year after year to find out what we already know -- that winter is going to slog on through March like it does every single year?
He's not even accurate! According to StormFax Weather Almanac, Punxsutawney Phil has an accuracy rate of 39 percent. Hello, FRAUD! Why aren't we asking chickens while we're at it? How about some bunnies? Should we ask the bunnies? Because they would be just about as accurate.
Some may say I'm un-American. I'm a kill-joy. "C'mon, it's just a fun, silly tradition!" Okay, fine. So then what's Phil's "Inner Circle" of caretakers? Apparently it's not enough that thousands of people gather to watch this poor animal snuff around the ground. No, we also have a group of full-grown men in top hats who "talk" with Phil a little and then "interpret" what Phil "says" to the rest of us. (Also, why are they all male?)
And now here's where the technology comes in. You can keep up with P. Phil via his Facebook page. A Facebook page. FOR A GROUNDHOG. Or follow Phil on Twitter. Hey, here's what Phil would say if he really could Tweet: "WTF, will you get off me, humans? I'm still hibernating here! #groundhogdaysux #notaweatherman."
And here's another thing I don't understand. Why are we pestering this poor animal before it's finished hibernating? I mean, I know February 2 is the midpoint of winter, between the winter solstice of December and the vernal equinox in March. But most groundhogs don't come out of hibernation until around the second week of February. So inconsiderate. Don't you hate it when people wake you up before you're finished with your nap? Poor Puxsutawney Phil. Let the poor fraud sleep.
Are you excited about Groundhog Day or do you think it's all just nonsense?
Image via Eddie~S/Flickr