All this time I thought Kanye West refused to appear on Keeping Up With the Kardashians because he thinks the reality TV show is artistically beneath him. (Because it kind of is ...) But that is not the case! (Yes, actually, it is.) In a radio station interview Kanye revealed the real reason why he won't go on Kim Kardashian's show: Because he's a control freak. More specifically, he says, "I don't really do her show just because I don't particularly like the way the producers shoot some of the shots. I'm very meticulous to that, right? I like to get a different [director of photography] or whatever."
So he's itching to replace the director of photography -- and probably a few other crew members. He would do a few things differently. And you know what? I would watch that. If Kanye West were the producer of Keeping Up the Kardashians I would end my cable TV boycott and sign up just to watch that show. Can't you imagine?
Keeping Up with the Kardashians: With Executive Producer Kanye West
More shots of Kim Kardashian.
Sound muted every time Kris speaks.
Kanye takes over the wardrobe department and dresses everyone himself, even Scott Disick. Especially Scott Disick.
Use crazy fantasy backgrounds from "Bound 2" video and splice in as backgrounds to family arguments.
Move everyone so they're now living in Corbousier houses. (Production query: Are there Corbousier houses in LA? Consider moving production to Europe.)
More shots of Kim's ass. Close-up shots.
Fast croissants for everyone, at the drop of a hat.
Musical numbers. Kanye sings while the Kardashians do backup. But only after extensive rehearsals. We have certain standards to uphold.
Slowwww motion shots of Kim strolling in that white one-piece swimsuit ... from behind.
Guest appearances by Jay-Z, Beyonce, and Anna Wintour.
Kanye composes all the incidental music because the shit they play now makes his ears bleed.
Stop with all the white wine. No more sipping white wine. Jesus.
Change the show title to "Kanye Knows Best." Boom
Every episode ends with a rant by Kanye.
Do you think Keeping Up would be better if Kanye produced it?
Image via Kenny Sun/Flickr