Welcome again to Royal Baby Watch 2013. (I sure am going to miss saying that.) In today's news, Duchess Camilla Parker boldly suggested that the royal baby would be born by the weekend. "We are all just waiting by the telephone," the royal stepmum said in a speech. "We are hopeful that by the end of the week, he or she will be here." That could very well be the case. Then again, that baby could wait yet another week. We just don't know.
Unless Camilla is hinting that Kate will be induced by the end of the week? Is she giving Kate a deadline? Can she DO that?!? No -- of course not. But if Kate is feeling the teensiest bit of pressure, maybe there are a few thing she could do to hasten that labor along.
1. Acupuncture. I'm not sure if pricking the skin of a duchess is allowed by the palace. Perhaps if, instead of acupuncture needles (so new and shiny, and where do they come from, anyway?), they used Gran's embroidery needles, passed down through generations from Queen Elizabeth I? Those should have the sufficient lineage for the future heir to the throne.
2. Long walks. Now that Will and Kate have decamped for the Middletons' home in Bucklebury, Berkshire, Kate can take long walks through the countryside. What the hell, now that she's so close to delivery, no one would blame her for stopping into the Old Boot Inn for some ale. (Yes, I Googled.)
3. Herbs. I hear evening primrose oil or black cohosh will help move things along swiftly. Maybe Kate could have the servants brew her some tea or something. They say cohosh goes well with Hob Nobs, whatever those are.
4. Spicy food. Did you hear Kate's big pregnancy craving is vegetarian curry? Except she gets it with a mild sauce. Silly Kate! Blow that shit up with some chilies so you can go into labor already.
5. Sex. Pull out the royal copulation bed and get to it. Or just lean against the kitchen sink while everyone's out. Either way, it's the most fun option. Worked for me. I mean ... not with Will, obviously.
Do you think Kate will give birth by the end of the week, or will she still be Waity Katie?
Image via Martin Beek/Flickr